Where do I begin?!!??!

Is the song playing in your head yet?

Where do I begin to tell the story of how GREAT A LOVE CAN BE!! GOD’S SWEEET LOVE STORY ….

This whole page started becuz folks want to see that you are real and can share. It was about books. But NOW, it is about SOOOOO MUCH MORE!!!!

I realize that some of my “followers” (I find that HYLARIOUS!) are only interested in books. I’ll start posting separate blogs labeled “BOOKS”, “Med Update” and “Spiritual Journey” to release those who aren”t interested in the other topics. (Fer dis, I’s gots ‘n injineerin’ degreeee!)

So here goes:

BOOKS: Both Saving Beach Mansion and Final Flight are waiting for my final approval to be published. Medical issues have delayed that, so I am hoping to finalize them in the next few weeks. Both covers are approved, and I am PLEASANTLY SURPRISED at their outcome! (Hate reading a book and realizing the cover has NOTHING TO DO WITH THE BOOK!!!)

I WAS WRONG!!!! THERE IS NO WAY TO SEPARATE MEDICAL FROM PERSONAL FROM SPIRITUAL!!! SO HANG ON!!!

MEDICAL UPDATE: This will be long, sometimes TMI!! I’m trying to copy from a note in my phone I sent as an update /prayer request.

Some of this is INTERESTING! Some scary to those who don’t know me. Some FUNNNNNNNNYYYYYY!!! Some INCREDIBLY INSPIRING!!

Update

Yall got left out of loop! SORRY!

Short version: the blood clot in my spine from July ‘23 really was a tumor : the blood clot just masked it. It is growing and expanded. It is now from my shoulder blades all the way down to my tailbone! Inside multiple vertebrae! It’s causing quite a bit of neurological issues (tremors, PAIN, blurred vision, weakness in hips/legs) so surgery will be Wednesday to get this thing out of me

If it was gonna kill me, I’d be DEAD by now!!

Surgery scheduled:

Surgery is scheduled for Wednesday morning, April 23. I have to be at the Medical City FW hospital at 05 30 (Actually got moved to Tues, 22nd, which MADE ME GLAD!!!! Dramatic deterioration over weekend!!)

BTW: We went to Texas De Brazil for my “last meal” Monday nite. It was originally scheduled for Dec 28th for our 40th anniversary dinner, but I ended up in the hospital! RUDE OF ME!

GORGING ON MEAT THE NIGHT BEFORE SURGERY PROBLY NOT THE BEST PLAN, BUT IT WAS GOOD!! OUTRAGEOUSLY EXPENSIVE! LARRY CAN COOK THOSE PIECES JUST AS WELL!!!! IT’s all about the AMBIENCE! The service was STELLAR!! I’m in a wheelchair, and they were most gracious and accommodating!

The PLAN:

(Some of this may be repetitive: sorry: too much trouble to navigate back and forth to fix!)

Dr Lapsiwala will not be exercising the tumor at the base of my tailbone. He said that one will probably need radiation. He’s gonna be working on the lumbar part above the previous incision & scar tissue damage .

I will probably be in the hospital for several days and then probably in rehab for two weeks. Medicare covers three weeks. We’ll see what happens. (I was approved on May 6th to stay til May 21st if necessary. Peace of mind for my family. I WILL NOT BE GOING TO AN ASSISTED LIVING FACILITY, but those of you who know me know I’d never submit to that anyway: THEY WON’T LET ME BRING MY KITTIES!!!)

I am at perfect PEACE with this plan. I’m ready to get this show on the road and get the stupid tumor out of me. SLAY THIS DRAGON!!

SIDE NOTE: Getting my “ducks in a row” and realizing they are SWARMING PIGEONS!!!)After spending a few hours on the phone and on the Internet, I was able to cancel all of our GLORIOUS May Florida trip plans to swim w/manatees & dolphins with no difficulty: all refunds no cost, but I’m so glad I got trip insurance! Warning: Yankee Ferry to Dry Tortugas (for my history buff hubby) : all sales final; no refunds. BUT…. when I called, they said I could send a Dr’s note and they’d refund. Who’s really gonna read that Drs note??!!? (I’m a teacher! I know!) Letter on the way from Dr. (Got the letter from his sweet staff Wed nite: sent to Yankee Ferry and AA.com to get full refunds (not just flight vouchers!) DONE ! All refunds should be in our accts w/in next week! Amazing the things you can get done while lying in a hospital bed w/a laptop! )

Will update as things go along.

Not sharing on FB: dont want folks accidentally praying me into the grave!!

This ornery old lady still has WORK TO DO FOR THE KINGDOM!

Surgery update Tues Apr 22, 2025:

Surgery really WAS today! (Dont ask! Chaos was annoying but GLAD it was Tuesday cuz neurology issues escalated!) Had my BRILLIANT HUBBY not said, “Let’s swing by the Dr’s office to make sure!” on the way to Texas de Brazil, at 4:52 Monday when nobody would ANSWER to let me know if it was really Wed or Tues (multiple text reminders from hospital made it clear it was gonna be Tues, but surgeon’s office said Wed! Got it in writing!! I’m DEAF. ALL CALLS ARE CAPTIONED!) Anyway, Larry stopped at surgeon’s office, Joy ran in and Facetimed so I could get an answer: “YES, TOMORROW!”

I WOULD HAVE MISSED MY SURGERY!!

Surgical Report: Tues, Apr 22, 2025

Removed some blood clots and some firm white substance in several pieces. Sent to lab for checking. Didn’t look like cancer to Doctors but doesn’t look right.

Sending it off: DE JA VU!! No results expected for 2 weeks. In Rehab, so not like it matters or I’m going anywhere!

Interesting!! My assessment:

White chocolate that dark chocolate has imprisoned in my spine for being FAKE!!

Awoke well. Little pain: just UNCOMFORTABLE all over from lying flat! Acid burns on cheeks from intubation tape! I intend to have a personal conversation w/the anesthetist to TEACH her and prevent that from EVER HAPNIN to another patient! Three cleft kids: lotsa tape over the years: no tears!!! One drop of vaseline or baby oil (best, but hospitals don’t allow.) WAIT!! Usually, the tape will slide right off! If not, repeat, use a vaselined qtip to roll under corners of tape, and GENTLY remove. NEVER AN EXCUSE FOR THE BLISTERS ON BOTH CHEEKS AND CHIN!!! HUGE BLISTER ON CHIN started weeping everywhere at 0200. No pain, but NOT ACCEPTABLE!!

Waking up, dreamed 3 movies of book series of follow up of Christian romance suspense novels to accompany Saving Beach Mansion! Hope I can recapture! Thot I was done writing!

Lost all feeling & movement in left leg (which has a titanium hip that hates me already!) Slowly regaining tonite. I THINK I’M GOING TO ASK FOR A REFUND ON THAT HIP, LOL!

Staff @ MEDICAL CITY FORT WORTH HAVE ALL BEEN PHENOMENAL THRUOUT MY PAST 7 YEARS OF AFIB & TUMOR ISSUES!!!

KIND! COMPASSIONATE! COMPETENT!!

COMMUNICATIVE!!! (Remember I’m deaf now!)

Side note: Harris (12 days last Dec/Jan from fall cuz of “flu” I never had symptoms for & they barely treated w/one bag antibiotics! It was really UTI they never even tested for!!) Care was mediocre (nurses good; hospitalists not so much!) w/poor communication & HORRIBLY DISGUSTING FOOD!

MCFW GOURMET MEALS!! Communicate and specialize. And THANK YOU, JESUS, NOT THE CARDIAC NO TASTE FARE! When the steroids make me “diabetic,” they let me know what I can’t have.

For those of you who don’t know, steroids SCREW UP YOUR BLOOD SUGAR!!! Not worried: no biggie; they’re giving my insulin to balance it and I know it’ll “come out in the wash” in a week or so when they reduce the steroid dosage and my body flushes that poison that’s helping the swelling from surgery.

MCFW HOSPITAL OF CHOICE!!!

Family finally breathing sigh of relief somewhat! They have suffered far more than I watching my scary decline!

Mind ok, tho slow (Stop laughing!!! I taught JUNIOR HIGH!!), but body was deteriorating dramatically!!

Expecting recovery of much now that pressure off spinal cord. We’ll see & WORK for it! (tho nerve damage, medically speaking, doesn’t recover well w/o THE BLOOD OF THE LAMB & THE WORD OF MY TESTIMONY THAT ABBA FATHER, DADDY GOD THE GREAT I AM IS GOOD & JESUS IS MY JEHOVAH RAPHA HEALER, JEHOVAH NISSI, MY BANNER BEARER IN THIS FIGHT; MY JEHOVAH SHALOM, THE PEACE THAT PASSES ALL UNDERSTANDING CUZ I TRUST HIM! JESUS IS MY REDEEMER! RESTORER! DELIVERER & WE WILL PREVAIL BOTH HERE & ETERNALLY !)

MOVED TO REHAB: Although BSW REHAB was GREAT last time, my surgeon does not have access to me there, and my coverage is 100% here, so NO BRAINER: STAYIN’!!!

PT facilities and staff BEST ON THE PLANET!! Have and have shared some ideas to make even better. They like my ideas! I’ll share later.

REHAB UPDATE: Grueling cuz body tires easily, but well-planned and spaced to maximize growth. EXCEPTIONAL PT & OT staff: Danielle and Natalie!!! (Several other helpers, but these are my MAIN GIRLS!)

I’m learning to LISTEN TO MY BODY! When I feel the fatigue that would make me fall, I STOP AND REST!! (I’m an ADD HYPER CHILD, so that’s A BIG DEAL!!)

Honestly, the TINNITUS FREIGHT TRAIN ROAR in my head is more of a hindrance to my rehab than my lower body muscles and nerves!! It’s like a huge weight on my head that feels like it’s gonna EXPLODE!! Not a headache: just overwhelming NOISE distorting vision and all balance and robbing me of stamina! (and yes, I’ve tried every great “fix” on FB or ….. and from audiologists. One wants to introduce “white noise”!)

“Ma’am, I already have 5 different noises in my head: freight train/transformer buzz, high pitched whistle, cicadas chirping occasionally, etc “(the bassoon ditty blog is interesting. That has actually stopped!)

I DO NOT WANT ANOTHER NOISE IN MY HEAD!!!!!!

WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?!?!?

PT is different every day, of course. Some days better than others. Fatigue in legs, hips and back keep me from standing more than 32 seconds on my own! Getting UP is the hardest part: have to have hands, feet in exactly the right position to convince my body to LIFT UP! BUTT UP or hips give and back into wheelchair! NOT GOOD! Learning to outsmart body!

Transferring (from bed to chair or chair to walker or pedaler) is iffy:

I cannot move my legs by myself!! Literally must be lifted into the bed and I drag them out of the bed to hang off side to get up!

Sometimes my right leg will MARCH or swivel as asked (Yes, I literally talk out loud to my feet to tell them what to do!) ; sometimes, it is rebellious, as I confess I have been most of my life! When it won’t move right, I reach down and move it (remember, I cant bend, twist, etc after surgery, so just reach to the back of my dead thigh* (Nerve conduction test in March showed NO CONDUCTION AT ALL ON BACK OF EITHER LEG!! Slow on top/thighs, poor on feet, sides of legs. ). But WAIT!! I don’t have the balance or strength to do that, so the PT girls have to shove my foot where it belongs (gently, of course!)

Walking: UP with walker. Once up, I can go anywhere from 12′ to 41′, depending on fatigue. I don’t FEEL my legs! It’s like walking 0n fence posts! I know they’re there, but ….My feet have been numb since the week before the first surgery in Sept ’23, so finding the ground is quite interesting! I have to LOOK at where my feet are getting out of vehicle or bed or chair, cuz I can barely feel the ground beneath my feet! (another song?!)

Pedaling is my FRIEND!!! Requires PUSH with legs and continued growth. Set at 3, pedal for 10 min. Used arms, too, y’day.

May 6th: MUCH STRONGER!!!! Walking further (50′) before fatigue says STOP! Standing in cool brace machine that lets me do puzzles, non-reaching activities (trying to be good and not reach, twist, bend!), etc. Gotta figure out how to get some of these pix uploaded. Leg lift exercises w/weights and bands (funny the things we do daily w/o thinking, TILL YOU CAN’T DO THEM ANYMORE!!!)

VICTORY!!!! I was able to get my legs back into bed by myself today!!!! Slow, steady, wore me out, BUT I DID IT!!!

I’m learning a cool trick to keep from letting gravity win in bed. If they tilt my head all the way down, there’s a bar at the top that I grab and pull myself as far up as possible. Remember, I’ve torn both rotators in falls, so my arms only do so much, and my butt weighs about 100 pounds and has NO FEELING AT ALL and won’t lift, so it’s a challenge. I bend my knees, PUSH back, wiggle my butt, pull on top bar and MAKE IT!! Except Natalie told me today to STOP DOING THAT so I don’t strain my back and do damage!! Rats! Learning to get my butt as far toward head of bed as possible when I climb back in bed. It works.

SMALL VICTORIES MATTER!!!!!

Sleep is elusive. Short naps between finger sticks (blood sugar all over the place cuz of steroids! Not worried! Will settle out in another week as they eliminate steroids.), rippling nerve pain attacks (that are NOT AS INTENSE OR AS LONG, THANK YOU JESUS!! ) , and just general wakefulness. I SLEEP HARD AND WAKE HARD!! Slow waking. Need drink cuz mouth so dry I can’t breathe. (Mouth breather, I guess)

Today, the CNA was ALARMED cuz my blood sugar was 59 and she couldn’t wake me! Finally got me awake and told me to drink apple juice and eat my strawberries. (I’m officially HOOKED ON STRAWBERRIES!!! Ask for them every meal! But wonder if they’re causing some of the diarrhea?)

I sat up, drank, ate, etc. Told her I’m FINE and FEEL IT when my body is in HYPOGLYCEMIA.

Funny story: I actually passed out at the counter of the PO New Year’s Eve ’23! Felt it coming: asked “who has a candy cane? My blood sugar’s dropping!” Next thing I know, there are three men standing behind me holding me up while the PO clerk looks like he’s about to FREAK! Ambulance came; lady gave me a peppermint; under my tongue; FINE by the time EMT’s got to me, but went on to hospital so Joy wouldn’t freak. (As if either going or not going would be best for her! Next time, refuse treatment, sit in truck til recover fully, then go home!)

I have had a few 6 hour nights. Since I’m naturally a nite owl, 0200 to 0715 is a pretty good stretch for me! They bring breakfast at 715 (BACON!!!! Hard boiled egg; English muffin; Almond milk, hot tea), and I barely have time to eat, go to the bathroom (remember, that’s a slow process, tho cathing is quick and easy. Gotta get out of diaper and shorts, cath, replace diaper (and no, I don’t mind calling a diaper a diaper! It is what it is! IIWII!) and shorts and hope my body doesn’t want to POOP, cuz that’s a 45 min WAIT FOR GRAVITY ordeal! ) before they come for me for first session! I think I’ll set my alarm for 0615 so I don’t waste PT time peeing and pooping!

HOT SHOWERS ARE THE BEST!!!!! Slow process. Proper tools, but OH I LOVE SCALDING SHOWERS!!!! And therein lies another problem I must be careful of: Since I don’t FEEL my legs and feet, I could easily SCALD THEM! So I have to adjust the water to what’s my fave “scald” level for my head and chest, them go from there.

But the shower WEARS ME OUT! Sucks all the energy out of me!

We did a bit more work afterwards (Shower is actually part of OT: what you do on a daily basis), but I was SPENT and didn’t get much more done. (I was so tired, I honestly can’t even remember what we did!)

I have learned what songs go with which exercises to pace them properly w/o having to count and be bored. I sing out loud. Poor folks! I try to sing quietly, but I’M DEAF, so I HAVE NO IDEA HOW LOUD I AM!!! (I’ve advised them to give me the quiet down hand signal if needed, but nobody seems to mind.) Y’day, my sub PT told me I needed to save my oxygen for exercises. Was that a polite way of saying, “SHUT UP!!” ??? She’d already put me in a hallway away from everybody! LOL!

Pedaling, as I said, IS MY FRIEND. But do you have any idea how BORING it is to pedal for 12 minutes?!?! Not for this crazy lady! I use it as my prayer time. I actually pray out loud for the facility, the staff, the patients, etc, then my family (my SIL fell and broke her shoulder and nose the day I had surgery!!!!) , pastors, missionaries, rescues, water wells, etc. and today, one of the PT staff that I’ve never worked with came and sat in front on my pedaler as I prayed. She stayed there the whole time, as if my prayers were healing balm to her. GOD IS DOING AMAZING THINGS HERE!!!

And of course, I sing! Scripture songs from the 80’s CFNI and Melendez Bible Study! Some hymns. I’ve never had a great voice, but I sing tenor (cuz it’s more fun to sing w/the guys!) and harmonize well. Since I’m deaf now, all music is JUST IN MY HEAD AND HEART, but IT’S THERE!!!!!!

And of course, there are some songs that touch me more than others.

REDEEMED: I can see Marie Jackson, the lady who taught me almost everything I know about polyticks and spreadsheets, my BEST FRIEND for 40+ years, who went HOME Jan ’24, sitting at the piano, enraptured in the song, BEAMING up at me as she sings, “REDEEMED! REDEEMED! REDEEMED BY THE BLOOD OF THE LAMB!”

AS A DEER: My college bestie, Shelly Sue Smith Morales, the most kind, non-judgmental, compassionate, POWERFUL WARRIOR WOMAN I’ve ever known, EMBODIED THAT SONG!!! Her whole life was WORSHIP IN SERVICE!!! She went HOME Cinco de Mayo ’23. (Yes, this week has been milestone week!) She and I wrote a second verse to AS A DEER, and as I sing it, I lose it every time! My PT Natalie was worried that I was crying at the end of the exercise, concerned that I was in pain. NOT AT ALL, JUST GLORYING IN THE GREAT PRIVILEGE OF HAVING BEEN SHELLY’S FRIEND!!

Most of my tears these days are happy, grateful tears! Sooooo many have poured sooooo MUCH into my life, IT’S OVERWHELMING!!!

2nd verse we wrote (1st verse is Ps 42: 1-2)

“You’re my Friend and You Are My Brother, even thought YOU ARE A KING!

I want you more than any other, so much more than anything!

I was born JUST TO WORSHIP YOU! TO WORSHIP YOU ALONE!!

NOW I COME INTO YOUR PRESENCE AND I BOW BEFORE YOUR THRONE!”¹

And that’s exactly what she’s doing now!!!!

I’ll post a different blog titled SHELLY’S MANTLE that I feel free to share now that I’ve shared w/her precious husband, Joe. There is some repetitively redundant stuff in that, too, but separating medical and spiritual in IMPOSSIBLE!!! Probly cuz GOD IS THE GREAT PHYSICIAN!!!

Starting a new thread is hard, so this till just continue to get longer.

Thurs, May 8th: Gonna post Wed’s update, cuz nothing earthshaking today except 52′ walk and glutes firing HARD! Did 3-30 second marching exercises while sitting. Lifting right foot DIDN’T HAPPEN LAST WEEK! Now, I can lift it a few inches as I march, and have to make myself not kick, cuz that’s cheating!

NATALIE IS TEACHING ME TO PACE MYSELF AND NOT OVERDO SO THAT MY MUSCLE FATIGUE STOPS ME!

Wed PT Update I sent out on text update to folks:

Pedaled 12 min on 2.

Did stand and reach and arm weights.

Did stand and step exercises w/2″ step: TOO EZ! Did 3″ step and made almost all 5 before right foot dragged.

VERY GOOD PT TODAY ALL THREE TIMES!!

MUCH STRONGER!!

Walked 51′, then 42′ after other exercises took their toll.

Beginning to FEEL things I haven’t felt in ages!! Can’t really describe, but tingling in places that have been DEAD for over a year!

Dem DRY BONES COMIN’ BACK TO LIFE!! RESURRECTION POWER!!!

Mini Rant!

We have become a society of WEANIES who get offended at the STUPIDEST THINGS!!! (Yes, I used the “S” word!)

I got an email from Westbow today, letting me know that, because their major buyers are CHRISTIAN, no profanity, euphemisms, or offensive language is allowed. DUH!!!!!

It went on to specify that I had several offensive words in my novel, Saving Beach Mansion:

“I wouldn’t have been CRAZY enough to swim out here if I didn’t!”

Ok, so Biblically, “let your yes be yes and your no be no,” so I’ll fix this with. “Yes, enough to get us safely ashore.”

“I feel like such a FREAK!”

“I feel like such a science experiment!” (as if ANYONE would say that!)

“Some STUPID kids were messing around…”

How about “Some undisciplined kids…”; but WAIT! This is the bad guys talking, so what would they know about “undisciplined,” and why wouldn’t they naturally use the word “STUPID!”?!?! I just deleted it down to “Some kids”

Oh, My!!! When I searched “stupid,” and “crazy,” I found that I used each FIVE TIMES!!! Horrors!!! How SINFUL of me!!!

I bet C.S. Lewis wouldn’t be approved!!! Or Tim LaHaye or Jerry Jenkins! Or Gilbert Morris or his daughter, Lynn! (I need to read the Cheney Duvall, MD series again!)

End of rant. Have a nice day! Remember, in ALL YOU DO, whether word or deed, HONOR GOD! (w/o offensive language!)

Crazy tinnitus fix?

Since the bassoon in my head kept playing various ridiculous ditties that were driving me CRAZY, I started putting Scripture passages/songs to them. Helped a bit. Then I started singing “As a Deer,” a worship song that perfectly described my college bestie, Shelly Sue, who went HOME Cinco de Mayo of ’23. Believe it or not, now “As a Deer” is playing repetitively in my head! “YOU ALONE ARE MY STRENGTH, MY SHIELD; to YOU ALONE MAY MY SPIRIT YIELD! YOU ALONE ARE MY HEART’S DESIRE AND I LONG TO WORSHIP THEE!” I always see and hear Shelly when I hear this song, since we played guitar together and helped lead worship at Melendez Bible Study on Friday nites in Kingsville in the 80’s. I can literally feel the healing starting to manifest, FINALLY!! GOD IS GOOD AND FAITHFUL AND HIS TIMING IS ALWAYS PERFECT!!

Final Flight and Misty Mansion

My calendar said “Blog!” last week, but I didn’t have anything to write about. Now I do!

Final Flight has been final edited and sent! Woohoo! It’s funny how publishers edit things: dialogue is how people talk: don’t mess with it!!!! But they did and it took hours to restore!

Misty Mansion, which I’m retitling Saving Beach Mansion, is in the process with a different publisher. I’m having trouble coming up w/ 7 keywords, tho! I use Hoopla (from our local library) to download books to read, and used its search engine to test various keywords. Very frustrating! “Adventure” only lists Harry Potter (yuck!) and kids books! Really?!?! Not sure “Christian” is necessary, since the genre is already Christian fiction. It’s not a suspense like Final Flight and Trust and Forgive (another one waiting to be published: child kidnapping that features our local law enforcement folks). It’s about a historic mansion, but “historic” doesn’t bring anything exciting. “Coast”: maybe.

Comment if you have any suggestions!

Medical update:

Nerve conduction test showed that I’m NOT CRAZY!!! If I walk more than about 100′ (w/walker, of course!), my legs go completely numb, like they’re not even attached to my body! My feet are so numb that I literally have to say, “Pick up your feet!” with each step, or they drag and I fall! I’ve been using G’pa Potts’ song from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, POSH. I thought he said, “Head up! Shoulders Back!” and that helps a lot. But then I looked up the words: “Port out; starboard home, POSH”. How on earth did I get “Head up; shoulders back”?!?!?! But it helps!! Thanks Disney, Lionel Jeffries (G’pa Potts), Sherman & Sherman (who wrote it) and of course, the ever beloved Dick Van Dyke!

Haven’t had follow-up appt w/neurologist to see if he has any ideas for a solution. He gave me a new nerve pain med, but it’s no more effective than all the others I’ve tried, nor the various vitamins that supposedly work, nor the scam meds online!

More debilitating lately is the ROAR OF THE TRANSFORMER in my head, as well as the bassoon playing various ditties, and the crickets chirping! The high-pitched whistle which has been there since I was a child, that my brain used to turn off, won’t turn off anymore! Supposedly all these Tinnitus symptoms are a precurser to brain damage, dementia and Alzheimer’s, but my mind is working pretty well. My limited stamina affects my focus, and sitting for more than a few hours HURTS!

So this control freak math teacher political activist mom is now OUT OF CONTROL, very dependent on others! It’s amazing what you can’t do when you’re deaf and in a wheelchair! Dumb little tasks that used to take 5 minutes now require me to call my wonderful, handy, patient adult son to come take care of for us. (Larry can’t do lots of those either due to balance and knee issues, and explaining to Joy how to do some things would be hilarious!) The technology that supposedly helps me doesn’t much, since it, like my ears, is pitch sensitive and hates male voices! So the microphone I attach to my iPhone so I can read what people are saying is minimally helpful.

BUT GOD!

The other night when I was complaining to Him about all this mess, He reminded me that I needed to change my focus from what’s bothering me to what I’m grateful for!

DUH!!!

I’m SOOOOO GRATEFUL for my family, who puts up with me, helps me, serves me, cooks for me, cleans for me, and doesnt’ complain that I sleep all day and am up all night. (Did I say that my body clock is completely skewed?! Yep! Tried for weeks to reset: unsuccessful!)

I’m grateful for pretty good, compassionate medical care when I need it. They may not have the answers, but they’re trying and being sweet.

I’m grateful for SUNSHINE!!! Looking forward to SPRING!! (I HATE COLD AND WINTER!)

I’m grateful for a Savior who loves me in spite of who and what I am and what I do!

I’m grateful that, in spite of all the dumb little things wrong w/my body, I’m still basically healthy! No cancer! Hallelujah! No major illnesses or injuries.

I’m grateful to the two publishers who are helping me get two of my five books published! We’ll see how that goes to decide what to do in the future with the others.

I’m grateful for GOOD FOOD! Steak! Fruit salad! Mexican food! Bacon and eggs! Ice cream! Chocolate! (of course!!) The chocolate dipped/covered goodies my granddaughter made for my birthday! YUMMY!

I’m grateful for my kitties, who sleep on my lap and keep me company and warm! They are truly my “emotional support animals”!

I’m grateful that my tropical plants (Sagos that are grandkids of those from our front yard in Rockport! Plumerias, hibiscus, bougainvillea, and various others) have not succumbed to my former black thumb!! They’re all doing well (ok, except for the bougainvillea that fried! “Direct sun: 4 hours/day” does NOT include Texas 110 degree sun for a week!!) They are such a quiet comfort as I sit on the driveway and read in the sunshine.

I’m grateful that, when we lost power the other day for 4.5 hours, it was no big deal because our home was already warm, I was under covers in my recliner (and slept thru it!), and Joy started a fire in the fireplace.

I’m grateful for the GREAT CLOUD OF WITNESSES who have gone before us after investing in my life! So many wonderful people have contributed to who I am. Glad we have eternity to spend together!

I could go on, but those are the major things that popped into my head. You don’t want to read all night! Thanks for joining me on this crazy journey!

The Lord bless you and keep you!

The Lord make His Face shine brightly on you and smile on you!

The Lord grant you SHALOM PEACE & remind you how much HE LOVES YOU!

Title Change

Nothing special: changing the title of Misty Mansion to “Saving Beach Mansion.” Fits better.

Will finish double checking edit of Final Flight in next few days.

Spent 12 days in hospital right after Christmas (while our Army girl was home for 4 days! GRRRRRR! Missed family Christmas gathering!) Weak from symptomless flu, legs gave out; fell: no injury, but kids insisted I go to hospital and pushed for skilled nursing or assisted living. NOPE!!!! Insurance never got it approved and I’m back home doing fine! Dehydrated: but no IV fluids! Didn’t eat for 12 days cuz food HORRIBLE!!! Finally checked myself out! Won’t be going back to hospital unless I have an open fracture or stroke or heart attack! ENOUGH!! NOBODY CAN HELP ME!

Got home just in time for snow/ice storm that never happened. BEACH TIME!!!

So what, exactly, is a “nerve pain attack”? (NPA)

Of course, like anything medical, nerve pain attacks vary from person to person and event to event, depending on the origin of the injury. I’ll try to give you a visual image of my NPA’s.

Imagine a huge pair of vice grips suddenly CRUSHING your tailbone or ischium (for those of you who don’t know where that is or want to look it up, it’s the curve at the bottom of the hip), then a huge syringe full of HOT ACID being shot up your rear, then being forced to sit in a vat of HOT ACID for several minutes!

Sometimes, it’s all of the above. Sometimes, just the crushing. Sometimes, just the syringe full of acid that dissipates after about 30 seconds. Sometimes, combination of two or three of these.

Nothing helps! No Rx. Not ice or heat (tho hot showers feel GREAT!). Joy has started doing a gentle circular lower back massage when they’re so bad I’m doubled over (about half the time), and that seems to relieve some of the pain. It used to HURT for anyone or anything to bump or touch there, but apparently the clot has dissolved enough that it’s no longer tender.

Update on some comments from previous posts:

Morphine pump: My family took me to ER about a month ago cuz I was literally screaming in pain from NPA and locked up arm. TORTURE!!! SEVEN IV sticks: no success, even w/”the best” and doppler! I’m pretty tough and used to that, but twice (one in each arm), they hit the nerve that controls my thumb. Uncontrollable spasms!! BOTH THUMBS ARE NOW NUMB!!!! Hoped it would heal after a few weeks: nope! Jonathan (my EMT son) had to yell at them to STOP when I gritted out, “TAKE IT OUT NOW!!!” and they refused to give up. I will NOT be going back to ER unless I’m having a heart attack or stroke! (or maybe an open fracture!) Since I’m on blood thinners, the risk of stroke is supposed to be alleviated.

One good thing came of that night: they gave me an 8cc morphine shot to ease the pain. (When we were in a wreck in 2006, it took 10cc before the Dr could staple my scalp back onto my skull. “Normal” dose is 5cc.) Guess what that did?! NOTHING!!! Didn’t even make me sleepy!! So the “I need a morphine pump” idea is a bust, as well.

New wheelchair ordered and approved by insurance. Old one was friend’s and wheels worn out and don’t turn properly. So I get a new wheelchair for Christmas. Simple pleasures make this crazy old lady happy!

Luke 2: 1-20 JESUS IS BORN! The “lowly shepherds” were the first to know and worship Him and be evangelists! The angels sang gloriously! Mary stored up all these events in her heart, probably in complete awe!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JESUS!

Parents grieve differently

Just thought I’d post this, since I know so many grieving the loss of a child this year:

I had a friend from politics whose teen son was killed in a house fire on Christmas eve years ago. (Spending nite w/friend: boys trapped upstairs)

He said that, although it was very hard for him to relate to his wife’s grief, he too, grieved deeply, but very differently.

As a Christian father, his main goal was to prepare his kids for ETERNITY: to make sure they had a good relationship with Jesus. He had done that, and so the “sting of death” was mitigated somewhat by the “mission accomplished” satisfaction of knowing he had succeeded in his mission. That may sound callous to some, but it’s actually not. It’s just a very different kind of grief! We grieve not as those who have no hope!

His wife, on the other hand, had carried that child in her womb. HE WAS A PART OF HER BODY, MIND, SOUL AND SPIRIT! That hole could never be filled! It is a deep, abiding wound that, even with the comfort and peace of the Holy Spirit, never fills or completely heals.

Research has shown that there are mysterious cells in a mom’s body that rush to fight every attack on her body. Those cells are from the children who have inhabited her womb, whether born or unborn. Wow! (I’ll attach link for those of you who think that’s crazy! I did at first!)

https://www.facebook.com/share/r/1UQanzWjV7/?mibextid=wwXIfr

Life is SHORT! ETERNITY IS LONG! PREPARE FOR IT WELL!

Comfort those who mourn. Sit with them. Talk with them. Laugh with them. Check on their physical and mental and emotional health a few weeks after the “hype” of the funeral is over. Once the quiet reality sets in, they need you more than ever! They don’t need platitudes; they need to be surrounded by people who love them, even when they “want to be left alone.” There’s plenty of alone time already! Help fill that in ways that help that individual’s needs. Not intrusive, but inclusive.

May the Grace of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ fill your hearts and homes with Jesus Joy in the midst of the sorrow!

December update

Not much to share:
Misty and Final Flight are both at publishers moving thru the process.
Various embroidery projects complete. Will add pictures after gifts given.
No new neurosurgeon till Feb, when I start Medicare! (BCBSTX doesn’t accept my chosen one, and I refuse to deal w/JPS any longer!!! It’s taken them since Oct 25th to do something as simple as order an MRI, and they still haven’t managed to do that! DONE!! Incompetence! Why would I trust them w/my health care?!?!?!?

Such a joyous, yet sad time of year! The birth of our Savior! But so many have lost loved ones recently, including two of my favorite students from 30 yrs ago, whose 22 yr old son lost the battle with depression this week! Pray for those dealing with grief and loss this Holiday season!

For unto us a CHILD is born! Unto us a son is given! And the government shall be upon HIS SHOULDERS, and His Name shall be called WONDERFUL COUNSELOR, ALMIGHTY GOD, EVERLASTING FATHER, PRINCE OF PEACE!
Isa 9:6

JOY TO THE WORLD! Luke 2:10

May your hearts and homes be filled with Jesus Joy!

Thanksgiving!

HAPPY AND GRATEFUL THANKSGIVING!

I’ve been kinda busy, so blogging hasn’t been on the radar. Working on :
1) getting Medicare ordered (yep, I’ll be 65 in Feb!);
2) getting Joy’s Medicaid reinstated! (some incompetent in that office cancelled cuz she “makes too much money!” Really?!?!? Under $600/month!?); Insanely INVASIVE docs req’d to prove otherwise!
3) embroidering various gifts for Christmas (will include pix when finished; surprised how well they are turning out!)
4) Quick trip to Austin to see Mikaylah!
5) Finished editing and resending Misty Mansion and Final Flight to 2 different publishers. Let’s see how that plays out! Hard to convince editors to LEAVE THE DIALOGUE ALONE!!!! That’s how we talk in the field (medical/EMS): no time for complete sentences and proper grammar when lives hang in the balance!

Headed to 97-yr-old G’ma’s for Loveless family T’g tmor. Almost everybody will be there (not Mikaylah; maybe oldest cousin/nephew?) Nothing fancy: just FAMILY!

Nothing else significant, except to THANK APPLEBEE’S PROFUSELY for being open Thanksgiving and having NO WAIT!!! (2 HR WAIT at Cracker Barrel!!!) Great food; great service! Unexpected need when Joy ran off to Cowboys game w/friends!!! (None of us have ever been to a Cowboys game!!! Amazing the things this kid gets to do!) No point cooking for two of us when I barely eat anything! But Bourbon Street Steak remedies that!!!

In case I forget to post again until January or February, MERRY CHRISTMAS!! KEEP JESUS CENTRAL IN YOUR CELEBRATION AND LIFE! HAPPY AND PROSPEROUS NEW YEAR AS YOU SEEK THE LORD’S GUIDANCE!

Medical update: short, gory version: April ’23 thru Oct ’24

Sciatica and sudden onset of horrendous nerve pain attacks in my tailbone area turned out to be a “tumor” (assumed cancerous) in my L4-S1 spine. Surgery to remove in early Sept ’23: it was only a blood clot, according to Mayo (Neurosurgeon team at Baylor Scott White sent it off cuz they’d never seen anything like it before!), but nerve damage done by quickly growing clot (that’s why they thot it was cancer. Did you know that the density of normal spinal fluid, cancer, and blood are so close, you can only tell which it is by biopsy?! I did the research, being the crazy medical science girl.) and surgery rendered me numb from waist down. Couldn’t proceed w/biopsy because nerves started misfiring and had to stop before they paralyzed me! I’m not paralyzed, but feet can’t feel the ground unless something SHARP pokes them. (Nerve damage, not classic neuropathy.) Left foot BLUE and cold, but multiple tests show no blood flow issues; just nerve damage. No bowel or bladder control, but honestly, cathing is better than old ladies wetting their pants when they sneeze! Spent hour on phone trying to get prescription for caths renewed cuz urologist my PCP required me to go to has a contract w/an “out of network” provider who was gonna charge me $73 every 3 months! I’m bigger,meaner and uglier than they are! I demanded they send my RX to the company that’s in network that doesn’t cost me a dime! I think I won! Will check back w/in network cath team Monday.

Nerve pain attacks continue: since it’s nerves, UNPREDICTABLE! Sometimes only a few a day, rather mild; lately every 15 minutes, including thruout the nite, and INTENSE!!!! No RX work (just make me dizzy! Just got over that nightmare! NO THANK YOU!!). Tried external Spinal Cord Stimulator enroute to implanted one: MADE THEM WORSE IMMEDIATELY!!!! Nope! MRI showed my scoliosis was so severe that the stenosis left NO ROOM TO INSERT THE ELECTRODE NEEDED for the SCS! Do you know how TINY an electrode is?!?!? My pain management Dr gave up on me! Nothing he can do to help! I laughingly say, “I need a MORPHINE PUMP!!” They actually do those, but insurance only covers it for end-stage cancer patients. Thank you, Jesus, that I don’t have cancer! Mom beat it 4 times and went on to terrorize the world for almost 40 years! She was a FORCE TO BE RECKONED WITH! I AM HER DAUGHTER!!! Oh, and did I tell you that BOTH of my neurosurgeons have left the state?!?!?! I seem to have that effect on Drs! I am “The Problem Child”! (And yes, I know that’s a “negative confession,” but it’s funny and TRUE!!!)

My NPA’s (nerve pain attacks) have become HORRIFIC, and FREQUENT (literally 6 during dinner out for Larry’s birthday tonite!) I grab the table, breath deeply (it helps a little!) and PRAY HEALING VERSES. They only last about 30 seconds, but WOW!!! If somebody tried to torture me, I’D LAUGH AT THEM!!! The past few days, the Lord’s led me to pray for Israel during those attacks. I have, and surprisingly, they’ve become shorter! “Revival! Protection for Your people!” (Remember, I’m in PAIN, so nothing elaborate as I’m trying to BREATH!) Started expanding to Ukraine and USA!!!! We need REVIVAL MORE THAN ANYONE!!

ADD: Rambling! Back to medical

So, for safety’s sake, since the feeling in my legs requires me to literally tell my feet with each step, “PICK UP YOUR FEET,” and balance is still an issue, I’m in a wheelchair most of the time. BUT… sitting for any length of time HURTS!!! (Tailbone nerves irritated!) Sciatica pillow helps somewhat. Bamboo pillow is AWESOME! Sat on that on 4 hours ride to Sugar Land and back last week and DIDN’T HURT!!! Usually, even short jaunts in my beloved truck HURT! Only lying a certain way in my recliner (where I sleep now due to CHF and spinal issues) relieves most of that. But not last nite!!!! Israel got LOTSA PRAYERS last nite! Never slept cuz just as I dozed off, BAM! NPA! Comfort kitties who sleep on my lap didn’t appreciate it!

I’m now totally DEAF (THANKS, LASIX!) w/2 failed CI’s and HA’s that do no good (& cat knocked into trash! Even w/warranty, $750 to replace a device that was in the box and not in my ear cuz IT DIDN’T HELP!!!! No point! ) . I read lips HORRIBLY! The pitch of very few voices is partly audible. (Yes: that’s proper grammar: pitch is; voices is object of preposition!) Can’t understand my hubby at all, nor read his lips w/his beard! We’ve learned to use notes on phone and hit the microphone, although even that is iffy: picks up what it wants, and pitch issues for lower voices as bad as my ears! Carry dry erase board with me to Drs (most of whom refuse to use it! GRRRR!) Texting and email are lifesavers! Caption Call is helpful, but it, too, is iffy: requires GOOD WIFI and is slow on the uptake, so if I don’t tell the caller, “Wait ! I’m deaf and my captions are slow connecting!” they hang up on me! Frustrating when it’s a Dr office that I NEED to talk to! Quite funny what it says you said sometimes! Now I understand why my BIL carefully EDITS his text messages to customers after he dictates them! Bad words that nobody really said!!!! Really funny w/Joy, who texts in Vietnamese, then sends the translation. Some things just aren’t meant to translate!

Deaf and in a wheelchair puts quite a crimp in your social life! Conversations at the dinner table are NON-EXISTENT for me, regardless of efforts. Running errands requires assistance (I can’t load my wheelchair and very few stores have scooters, and somebody still has to retrieve it for me.) Takes 4 hrs to do what used to take 2, then I come home and CRASH!

We rented a scooter for a trip in July: minimally helpful. Had to put together and take apart; just as heavy as the wheelchair; battery not as dependable as you’d like, and slopes no easier. To justify buying one to use all the time, we’d need a tailgate (I drive a truck) lift, which isn’t cheap, sticks out in the parking lot and is a hazard! Being handicapped is a PAIN!

OH!! FUNNY STORY!!! Went to the pool at the awesome HCA Hampton Hotel in Rockport. (We’ve discovered that only Hamptons have HCA rooms w/double queens. Most only have kings, as if Handicapped folks don’t have FAMILIES they travel with!!!!) Saw the chair lift, so I fell in the water, knowing I could use it to get out. I’m a mermaid! Swam for awhile and did water exercises. There was a young man in a wheelchair who climbed up the steps on his hands and knees and made it look easily doable, so I wasn’t worried. When it was time to get out, Joy tried the lift chair: DEAD. No real surprise. I swam to the steps and tried crawling out, but my legs don’t work well! Not only that, the stair’s progression was 3″, 5″, 9″, out! Uh, NO! And the railing was RICKETY!!!! Wiggled all over the place!! I tried several times, and even w/Joy’s help, couldn’t get out. I sent her to get the manager/desk clerk to help me. (Larry was asleep and had had neck surgery, so he wasn’t allowed to lift anything!) . The clerk (smaller than my 165 lbs) tried several times to help me, and we were on the verge of calling the cute young firemen to get me out. I would have been MORTIFIED, since most of them are kids of my classmates!!! (Rockport is my hometown.) Last effort, under the armpits, LIFT as I pushed up, and WE DID IT! Moral of the story: always call ahead and have them CHECK THE POOL LIFT CHAIR before you jump in! They work when installed and get inspected for HCA certification, but no maintenance is done on them, so they don’t keep working! Just for show! If you don’t believe me, visit a few hotels and see for yourself! Broken controllers; chewed wires; missing upholstery. Not pretty! Not helpful! Certainly not HCA compliant!

They say truth is stranger than fiction. My medical saga over the past 8 years has been sci-fi worthy!! And there’s nothing really wrong with me! Just STUPID LITTLE THINGS THAT CHANGED MY LIFE!! My orthopedist said, “You need a body transplant!” Funny, but not very professional or helpful! And that was BEFORE we knew about the “tumor”!

Had bronchitis all week; stayed in bed for 2 days! Finally went to Dr cuz I couldn’t breath and have been told often it’s not the CHF. O2 Sat stays at 96, regardless! Pred shot, breathing treatment, antibiotics, and my hubby got me a nebulizer breathing treatment machine for $32 w/insurance at Sam’s!!!! Better already! Don’t wait to be so SICK you can’t function!!! Go to the Dr! (Tho mine is sick and tired of seeing me!)

It’s 0230 and I’m still up, despite NO SLEEP last nite! Writing does that to me! Hope you’ve been appropriately entertained by my scary saga. No point in going to the Dr/ER/Hospital, cuz NOBODY CAN HELP ME!!! My son’s being saying for years, “We can’t give you the kind of help you need, Mom!” Little did he know how RIGHT he was!

Bless the Lord, O my soul, and ALL THAT IS WITHIN ME BLESS HIS HOLY NAME!! FOR HE HAS DONE GREAT AND MARVELOUS THINGS!!! (paraphrased from Ps 103)

Wynne Loveless <wynnermath@me.com>	11:49 PM (5 minutes ago)
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