And why do I post TMI medical stuff?!

Because even those living with those of us w/medical issues have NO CLUE what we feel, go thru, or need! They try, but it’s almost impossible to explain what’s going on, what helps, and what we need.

Medical professionals ask often if we have suicidal thoughts. My standard answer was, “Homicidal, YES, but I’d never put my family thru the TRAUMA of suicide.” Besides, I’d hate to have to explain to God why I thought my timing was better than His.

But YES, we think about GOING HOME where we’re no longer handicapped or hurting, and can dance and run and play on the beach and hear and ….. Dying is my FRIEND!! Living like this is true HELL, and I’m glad I KNOW THAT JESUS PAID FOR MY SINS AND PROMISES ETERNAL LIFE W/O MEDICAL ISSUES WITH HIM!! I truly can’t imagine someone w/o that hope surviving stuff like this for long.

People tell me I’m strong! LOL! LOL! LOL! I’m a whiney baby who screams at God to “MAKE IT STOP!!!” then focuses on praying healing Scriptures over Will and others I know who need it. I don’t think that’s “strong” as much as stubborn! If the devil is stupid enough to attack me every 30 minutes for 90 seconds, he’ll get beat up during that time!! And I don’t fight fair! I use the POWERFUL WORD OF GOD to whoop his sorry butt! (pun intended!)

So to recap for those of you who aren’t crazy enough to read all my posts:

Nerve Pain Attacks: NPA’s: demon w/vice grip crushing my tailbone, then making me sit in vat of hot acid and shooting hot acid up my rear. Radiates to right sciatic nerve lately, which is EXCRUCIATING and NOTHING HELPS! Rolling off of that side diminishes it a bit, but doesn’t stop it.

Source: “Tumor” in spine, which is just a lump of fibrous “scar tissue” (from what?!?!?!!) Nerve damage from tumor and two different surgeries by two different neurosurgeons to remove. Nope!

Ancillary casualties:

legs basically “Paralyzed”: minimal feeling/movement; right leg/foot are GONE! (Was actually able to stand and walk until about January of this year, when nerve damage progressed)

Bladder & bowel control lost: self cath and wait for gravity to pull out poop. Not fun. Poop in bowels pushes on damaged nerves/”tumor” and HURTS!

DEAF: Hearing loss progressed as Lasix robbed me of all hearing: two FAILED (miserably!) Cochlear Implants left me w/HORRIFIC VERTIGO and worse Tinnitus. No solutions. Use notes app w/microphone for Drs/nurses to talk to me and to visit w/family. Miss MOST of conversations cuz only picks up if CLOSE and hates male voices!

I SOOO APPRECIATE THOSE WHO MAKE SURE I’M IN THE LOOP! Makes me MADDDDD when medical folks talk to hubby or daughter and not me! I’m the Patient! They are not! I can’t hear what they’re saying and have to correct them often cuz they are NOT LIVING IN MY BODY!

If that sounds angry, know that it’s ongoing frustration w/no solutions in sight!

No captions on most church services (despite the fact that they insist there are captions!), and those w/signs don’t help me. I know enough sign to do church songs, Lord’s prayer, a few simple phrases, but learned that all while in college. Only one family member knows sign, and she’s better than I am, so it doesn’t help much! Reading captions on TV is TEDIOUS and leaves you with a headache and annoyance that you can’t watch the facial expressions or action cuz you have to read the words!

Ok: I think I’m done venting for awhile! Today was a VERY ROUGH, PAINFUL DAY, so consider this my retaliation for that.

And THANK YOU, FRIENDS AND FAMILY THAT HAVE COME TO VISIT AND HARASS ME!! And brought me food and cute things to brighten my day! And thank you, Son, for telling me the All Star Game was on! Nothing dramatic, but I’ve missed baseball.

Wounds are a pain in the butt!! Literally!

So my wounds (on my butt, of course!) got really NASTY, so I was ambulanced to hospital on wound care nurse’s order to get them debrided (medical term for scraping out dead stuff/infection) in the OR. Been here since last Wed afternoon!!!! Debridement Friday went well.

No BM for 7 days, so gave me multiple diarrhea producing meds (delightful!). Now the diarrhea is contaminating wounds (despite bandages) and I now have 3 different bacteria growing in them!!! Two are intestinal bacteria (from diarrhea). Cleaning me up HURTS and triggers more NPA’s! Now they’re giving me imodium to stop the diarrhea they created! CRAZY!!

Supposed to be lying on side to allow wounds to heal, but you can only lie on your side and do NOTHING for so long!! Hurts neck to try to do much on phone while lying on side.

NEED to finish SCARS so I can go HOME!!!!

Lotsa good care, but pointless. Declined past 3 meals delivered cuz eating requires energy and interest I no longer have! Fuzzy’s queso and chips sustaining me. Supposedly going home tmor, but who knows, since they’re still trying to determine which antibiotic to send for me. Been bedridden whole time here, so can’t even get up to poop!! Won’t allow cuz afraid I’ll fall.

NPA’s much more frequent now! “God, make it STOP!!!” isn’t working! Neither is quoting multiple healing Scriptures any more. I spend them praying for Will Roberts, a 15-yr old fighting cancer whose faith and strength reveal what a weanie I am!! Follow his story at https://www.facebook.com/bamafix. So devil loses when he attacks: praying for someone else is more powerful than for myself!

Hospital bed that was ordered 2 weeks ago got canceled due to “confusion.” New provider working on it now. Supposedly, according to wound care DR, wounds should heal in 2 weeks if I keep off them and maintain wound care and various nutritional supplements to help. I’ve had various wounds since October, so believing the “two weeks” mantra is iffy! But still, NOBODY WILL JUST AMPUTATE MY BUTT!!!!

I can barely see to type (vertigo and ???) so ordered pair of STRONG reading glasses from Wmt. These Rx ones aren’t doing the trick!

Fun:

Kids went to Galveston and brought me back a cool turtle sculpture! Crush and Squirt from Finding Nemo.

Yes, I look horrible. Didn’t think to comb hair before pix! No longer care!

Gonna close to work on SCARS.

HCA shower

A few months ago, it became obvious that we needed a roll-in shower. I can no longer safely get into/out of shower, so we did lotsa research, had multiple contractors and our local plumber come give us bids, and decided on DaBella. They have a lot of good reviews, and their sales girl was diligent, communicative, and got us answers we needed. We signed a contract with them in late May, expecting the work to begin in about a month due to backlog. The day the contractor (not DaBella, but a contracted contractor) was supposed to come, they had a delay on the previous job and needed to reschedule. Since I was headed to rehab for 10 days and Joy was in theatre camp for a week after I got home, we postponed to June 30th.

The contractor, Ezekiel, was VERY GOOD AT COMMUNICATING, tried to accommodate our wishes, but was hog-tied by DaBella’s poor material choices.

First of all, a ROLL-IN SHOWER is just that: ROLL IN!! No lip; drain in center cuz the pan is concave to the center to allow proper drainage. When we negotiated the contract, we made it CLEAR it HAD TO BE ROLL-IN. The salesgirl called her manager to verify that was doable, and he assured her it was. ***DING DING DING*** RED FLAG!! If you have to call to ask about a roll-in, you don’t do them enough to do them well! We missed that red flag!

The shower pan provided was a regular shower pan with a 2.5″ lip and drain at faucet end. NOT WHAT WE PAID FOR!! Not only that, the drain is 1/2″ above the pan, so drainage will never be complete!!!

We also contracted for a handicapped shower head on a vertical bar with the water toggle on the lower shower head. DUH!! Who can even reach the toggle on the upper head and what kind of genius designed that and called it HCA!!?!? You guessed it: we got the one that toggles at the top, 2′ out of my reach, w/no sliding bar or attachment for the lower head and a hose that’s too short!

When I sent a HEATED text to DaBella, I was advised that 1) the measurements were correct; 2) they ordered the proper pan; 3) there was no agreement for the type of shower head we demanded; 4) the manager would contact me to remedy problems.

Ok, so it’s a LONGGGGG HOLIDAY WEEKEND! HAPPY 250TH BIRTHDAY, AMERICA!!

No word from the manager since the job was “completed” Wednesday evening. We refuse to sign “completion” paperwork, cuz IT AIN’T COMPLETED PROPERLY!!!! I’ll give him till next Wednesday to contact me before I pull out the big guns! Working on cancelling payments till it’s FIXED PROPERLY. Have little brothers who are lawyers and local JP is a friend. Hope I don’t need any of them!

Does anyone else see the OBVIOUS PROBLEMS WITH THIS “HCA SHOWER”?!?!?

Hospital bed: After months of refusing the suggested hospital bed (I use a recliner now), I finally agreed that it would be best to help me sleep on my side so the bedsores on my butt could heal. Larry got a call yday from provider, asking what mattress I needed for my bed. No order for a bed, they said, just a mattress!! Can we say GOVERNMENT PROJECT?!?!? I KNOW my wound care nurse ordered a BED! And why are they calling Larry when I”M THE PATIENT!??!? MAKES ME ANGRY!!! He said they tried calling, but I never answered. Guess what: I have caption call, which shows every call in / out/ and voicemail: NOTHING FROM THEM!!!! Stupid and Liars!!

BOOKS

Rosa is working on the covers. I like what she’s done so far, but I failed to communicate properly for her to get it PERFECT. Coming soon: Pirated Plot

Cover corrected and paperback loaded for Trust & Forgive soon.

Working on SCARS, but NPA’s have robbed me of my “want to” lately, so I’m a bit behind. I know where I’m headed, just need the umph to get there! I’d ask for a swift kick in the rear, but since that would make the nerve pain worse, let’s not!

Family update:

Joy performed in Plaza Theatre Company’s Harmony Connection SHREK this week. Harmony is the special needs theatre with LIGHTS and helper shadows. They did an exceptional job with a crazy story! They obviously had FUN, and the shadows were PHENOMENAL HELPERS!!!


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Mikaylah graduated from her Warrant Officer class and the 151A Aviation Maintenance Techinician training program afterwards. She actually gave me permission to post some of her pix! She’ll be off to her next billet soon, but getting some much-needed rest right now.

Jonathan, Rosa and Zoey are staying busy this summer (of course!). Headed to beach soon. Jealous!!! So GRATEFUL for the trip they took me on back to Rockport a few years ago!!! Got to see my bestie, Shelly, before cancer took her, and my buddy, William and his wife, Jeanne, before he went HOME last June. Timing is EVERYTHING!

Zoey in her patriotic outfit.

Larry is trying to binge Godzilla again, but the DVD isn’t cooperating! Lol! We got him 2 Godzilla shirts (one patriotic, of course) and a surprise Godzilla item that may not arrive til August! So TIRED of everything coming from CHINA, despite websites saying “Made in USA”!!

Off to write to student in prison, then work on SCARS and medical bookkeeping. Making myself be productive after a week of doing nothing buy lying around and playing games and reading. Seems I always get more done on weekends and holidays, although, since I’m retired, EVERYDAY IS A HOLIDAY WEEKEND!

Serve the Lord with GLADNESS! Come before His Presence with SINGING! Know that the Lord is God and He made us! Ps 100:2

Rehab & other updates:

Sooooooooo……

Since I couldn’t safely navigate in/out of recliner and on/off toilet w/fractured Tibial plateau and stupid brace, they sent me back to inpatient rehab for 10 days. Encompass in S Ft Worth: PT staff & nurses STELLAR; admin questionable : terribly understaffed for needs of patients! You KNOW they’re handicapped and more needy than most: plan accordingly!!! Had to wait 2 hrs once to get help to go to the bathroom!!! Night shift much more “Johnny on the spot” than day. Add a nurse/CNA to day shift, folks!! Picking up lunch trays is NOT PRIORITY over helping patients w/their needs! Food was semi-decent at first, but I never got what I asked for (why did they bother having me fill out the request?!) and all meats were INSANELY SALTY!! Guess I got spoiled by Medical City FW Rehab food: IT WAS AMAZING!

Worked on arm strength (Bench pressing and hand weights & arm pedaling); stood a few times for a few seconds, but can’t put weight on left leg for 8 weeks, so that was awkward and unsafe. Can’t pedal cuz of ….. you guessed it! …. leg brace: not supposed to bend knee. Ortho gave me shorter brace Monday, since the original was too long and got caught on EVERYTHING, making me a …. FALL RISK!

Got home Tuesday, cuz G’daughter in play Tues nite. FUN! Went to Applebee’s afterwards!! THANK GOD FOR REAL FOOD!!!!

Have been lazing around since I got home. Can now swivel safely into recliner (need someone to spot/help lift me out) and on/off toilet alone. Woohoo! Small victories! Trip to Dr. was EXHAUSTING! Sleep interrupted every hour by nerve pain attacks, so recovery slow.

BOOKS: Still haven’t loaded Pirated Plot. Waiting for Rosa (sweet DIL; mistakenly put SIL in last post!) to have time to work on covers. Got quite a bit done on SCARS while in rehab, till I knocked laptop off bed and KILLED IT!! Oh, well! I had already ordered this new one. It came today! Happy camper! Now I’ll continue work on SCARS, which I’m having fun with.

TRIBUTE:

Tomorrow (June 25, 2026) marks one year since one of my best friends since 3rd grade went HOME to be with Jesus. William James Browne Collie. He always saved me seats on the bus. His was the last stop; mine the first, and vice versa in mornings. He was the first guy to ask me to go steady (On the high bridge in Corpus on the way to a band contest. The high bridge will always hold fond memories, despite it being replaced!). We never really dated, cuz he was babysitting his baby brother from his mom’s new marriage to a GREAT GUY. William later changed his last name to honor that man! He played tritoms in marching band, and I’m DELIGHTED that my son became a drummer!(Ok, he was a drummer before he was born!!!)

When William was in high school, he took first aid, then EMS classes. He actually got fired from the funeral home he was working at for resuscitating a “dead” man he was supposed to be picking up. William joined the Navy as a corpsman and saved lotsa lives. He actually performed an emergency appendectomy while stationed in Antarctica! He served as a paramedic on the local ambulance, was a stellar OR nurse in Corpus, and always lived to serve and help others.

We stayed close friends for 40+ years because we kept our relationship pure! I am eternally grateful to him for that! So glad he didn’t ask me to marry him, cuz I would have, but he was madly in love with Jeanne, whom he found again years later and married. After a rocky first marriage and horrific divorce, I’m glad she and her family made him HAPPY!!

Funny story: William was engaged and his fiance broke up cuz her parents got a divorce and it scared her. He called me to tell me, then said, “Wynne, I’ve done something really stupid!!” Most young men in that situation would get drunk or …. Not my William! He bought an ambulance!!!! When I finally quit laughing, I told him that wasn’t stupid, but a valuable investment. I have no idea how long he kept it, but I’m sure he profited from that “act of stupidity.”

William had back surgery. When he called to tell me that was the plan, I CRIED!! I didn’t want him to end up handicapped like I am!!! His surgery went well and he had been home a few days, doing well. His wife walked him to the bathroom, turned to move the walker out of the way, and BOOM! He was GONE!! Massive heart attack! Although we were all devastated by his loss, I’m soooo grateful that he didn’t become handicapped and slowly deteriorate like so many others.

I MISS YOU, WILLIAM, AND I LOVE YOU!

Another TRIBUTE:

Dixie Smith, my sweet Shelly’s mom, went HOME 2 yrs ago tmor. Such a sweet, godly, wise woman! Taught for years. Raised four amazing kids. Praying for them and her wonderful husband, Rollin. Glad she and Shelly Sue are together again.

OUR CLOUD OF WITNESSES GROWS OFTEN!

Lotsa dumb little things!

Haven’t posted in several months cuz nothing significant was going on, and it wasn’t worth fighting my antique laptop to do this. It literally took me 20 minutes to get logged on and find this page so I could post on my own site!!

BOOKS: Loaded Trust and Forgive as ebook on Amazon a week ago. Still fighting w/cover, so paperback on hold. Sweet SIL will help me get that done for Trust and for Pirated Plot as soon as I get new laptop that doesn’t fight me constantly! Next week!

New Novel: Found SCARS while cleaning out Gdocs. Only had first few pages done, but it was a GREAT START to an interesting read, so I’ve been working on it. Having fun w/it; not sure where exactly I’m going with it, but enjoying introducing new characters from my past and honoring them. Remember, folks: it’s FICTION, but we write what we know!

Various dumb little things that’ll make you laugh: (warning: as always, some medical TMI!)

Ok, so I cheated: I copied and pasted texts into email, then copied and pasted from email into blog.

0130 Sun morn

Fell getting out of recliner to pee 0130. Feet (which are completely numb & unresponsive) got caught under me: torn left knee ligaments (heard & felt it!)

Cute firemen: ER: xray nothing broken (DUH!) , but possible tiny fracture of kneecap.

Splint on leg (took off in few hrs cuz it HURTS & knee needs to bend certain way not to hurt.

Cant get into/out of recliner or onto/off toilet! Jonathan came & helped.

Requesting Foley catheter for week, but Dr has to order & doesnt answer on weekends! ER didnt think of that!

Home health nurse tmor will do. 

THIS IS NOT FUN!!! Doesnt hurt that badly now (unless move it wrong), but I’m TIRED OF BEING HANDICAPPED!!!

Wound care nurse brought me supplies I needed. Worked fine until I tried to change diaper (yes, it is what it is!), which got caught on tubing and pulled it out! Twice! I think I’m DONE w/that idea!

Funny: after walk-in ortho Dr, Mirandas (no Mexican food in 3 weeks!!! El Fenix date w/A/G friends from 30+ yrs ago was sposed to be Sunday, but NOOOOO! I had to fall!! Tiny Fraxr of kneecap. No real tx since I’m not mobile any more. Just keep icing & dont move (Preferably CHOCOLATE ICING!! 😍🤪)

Anyway, Nacho dropped in lap, so needed to change out of dress when got home. Grabbed random tshirt out of drawer in dark: MIRANDA’S T SHIRT!!! Lol!!

“Life w/o Mexican food is like NO LIFE @ ALL!”

Garage cleanout: Kids came today and helped get lotsa HCA stuff out of garage to donate to local charity. Walkers, shower transfer chair (Did I tell you we’re getting a roll-in shower in a few weeks?!??!), crutches (kept a pair); foot slings for wheelchair, heel boots, foot massagers, etc.

Moved stuff off desk so I can actually USE IT! Planning to teach my girls how to do stained glass later this summer.

Rosa found my tub full of Tuppertoys from 90’s (I sold TW before J was born, and have all the toys!). I had looked for them twice w/Jonathan’s help and failed. I CRIED!!!! But Rosa found that tub under a tub full of books (have about 5 of those!) SOOOOOO GRATEFUL AND RELIEVED!!! Was going to split them up and give to various young families from church w/young kids, but think I’ll keep them now in faith that Jonathan and Rosa WILL HAVE A BABY!!

OHHHH!! MY PLUMERIAS ARE BLOOMING!!! MAGNIFICENT!!! Three different plants with three different color blossoms! So THRILLED! Lotsa rain helped. Too bad the tall one is too tall for me to reach to smell its heavenly fragrance!

Let’s see if I can outsmart the computer to post those pix!

Found this on FB the other night, after a PAINFUL day! Made me laugh, especially since my Bestie Marie, who went HOME to be with Jesus Jan 2024, was a flamingo freak just cuz they annoyed her hubby and son! (FYI: for those of you who don’t know, HOME = HEAVEN! All caps.

Why I’m still here: Besides the fact that even God isn’t ready to deal w/me all the time yet (I know: bad theology, since He’s always with us and in us!), I’ve been commissioned to PRAY for various situations I’ve found on FB. Kids w/cancer (Will Roberts: If you haven’t found his story yet, he’s an INSPIRING YOUNG MAN!); injured kids (Xavier: Kid hit in neck by baseball!); families who are grieving (far too many of those!!!) Every nerve pain attack, I pray for them.

That’s my mission! Join me!

FINALLY PUBLISHED!!!

My calendar said “BLOG” for last Tuesday. I’m running a bit behind, but have NEWS!!!

BOOKS

Saving Beach Mansion is published by Westbow Press and on Amazon! If you’d like an ebook, email me to get the code. Have some freebies! wynnermath@gmail.com

One of my best friends since Jr high read it and gave me a great review! And my friends are BRUTALLY HONEST! So GRATEFUL! I’ll attach here:

For the Review-I have a thousand things to say- but I will start here: Saving Beach Mansion is a warm, intelligent Christian story about two bright young believers, navigating friendship, diverging paths and the kind of choices that shape lives. Wynne Loveless writes with a gentle honesty about staying grounded in faith and living in a way that reflects integrity inside and out, and also the responsibility of living in a way that reflects their faith not just an action, but in appearance, a hopeful uplifting read for college age students and Christians also. This is a coming-of-age book I wish I had nestled in my pocket and grown up with. Rhonda Bradshaw, Rockport, TX

Final Flight is published on Amazon and should be on Barnes & Noble in the next few weeks.

Just finished re-reading and editing Pirated Plot, kinda a sequel to Saving Beach Mansion. Will pursue getting that published soon.

Trust and Forgive is up next. Child kidnapping w/a funny twist. I enjoyed writing this one cuz I got to honor several of our local law enforcement folks, most of whom are FRIENDS! I will re-read and edit that one this week.

HEALTH (Did anyone else notice that there’s no green choice for highlighting w/Wordpress??!?! Weird!)

So……

SCS FAILED MISERABLY. Returned to previous pain Dr (got bad vibes from the new guy, and wonder why he was able to do temp SCS but not permanent!) STEMWAVE is a new, pulse-generating ultrasound technology that stimulates nerves to heal and regenerate. Have had 7 treatments so far (once/week) and it seems to be helping somewhat. NPA’s not as severe, tho just as frequent on days I’m “active” (that word being an extremely relative term!). Still spending almost 20 hours/day in recliner cuz SITTING UP HURTS!!! Pretty sure there’s something WRONG w/my right hip, but not bothering to go to orthopedist cuz I know they’ll want to replace it, and I AIN’T GOIN’ THERE AGIN’!!

Vertigo from tinnitus much worse! Can barely transfer from wheelchair to toilet or recliner w/o falling! Earthquake vertigo: no nausea, etc, but can barely see at times!!

Stamina is non-existent! Went to Wmt Smart Styles today for haircut. Worn out!!! Did I say SITTING UP HURTS!!!? Out to dinner w/family is now a new form of TORTURE!! (Insert maniacal laughter here!)

FAMILY

Our Army girl graduated Warrant Officer school in February! I sent Dad and Joy and stayed home due to health and travel safety issues. SO PROUD OF HER!! More schooling, then off to new billet. Won’t say where so she won’t kill me, but she’s pleased with the choice.

This week marks a year ago that our beloved Mama went HOME! Miss her! Family gatherings are few and far between now. Sad! Mainly due to multiple folks w/health issues. Hoping to remedy that in the near future.

Joy is signed up for Plaza Theatre’s summer camp: SHREK!! (see what I mean!? NEED green!!!) Come see it June 29, 30, and July 1st 6pm in Cleburne.

SOOOOO THANKFUL FOR WARM AND SUNSHINE AGAIN!!! HELLO SPRING!

Now what?!?!?

I waited to post till I had some GOOD NEWS! That was several weeks ago, and today marked the bifurcation (had to look up the proper spelling for that!) of a long, bumpy road!

MRI: I’ve NEVER hurt so badly!!! The angle they had my hips was EXCRUCIATING! Not their fault: wedge to alleviate pain from scoliosis/lying on back was too high this time (used it several times before w/no issues!) and knees trapped against top of tube. (If you’ve never had an MRI, the tube is SMALL, and your nose is literally an inch from it!!! Good thing I usually sleep thru it! Not claustrophobic, but WOW!!!) Cried, prayed and sang to myself (not aloud) the whole time. Once again, Julie Andrews/Rogers & Hammerstein “My Favorite Things” played in my head. Did I tell you I wrote her an encouraging thank you note after one MRI that her song played in my head? She sent back an autographed pic! To ME!!! Hangs on my wall by other important pix!

Oncologist: Nothing they can do to help me: MRI report: just fibrous (not fibroid, as I was led to believe and wasted time on phone w/2 diff fibroid expert clinics!) scar tissue. Radiation not an option, and could make it worse. (Don’t ask how?!?!)

He called my neurosurgeon, who agreed that further surgery was not a viable, helpful solution. Referring back to pain Dr for SCS.

Today: SCS surgery: Once again, the light at the end of the tunnel was AN ONCOMING TRAIN!!!!!!

Neurological issues dramatically escalating in past few weeks. More NPA’s; tremors; vision issues; no sleep cuz awoken by NPA’s every 45 min! Can’t sit for more than an hour w/o retiring to my recliner in PAIN!

IV was quick and EZ! Amy was AWESOME!!! That’s usually the hardest part!!

Anesthesia in arm/IV was HORRIFIC BURNING!!!! SCREAMING “STOP IT!” so they gassed me, too. Grateful for that mercy! Never been that bad before! Even “volcanic eruption in arm” of cardiac nuclear chemicals not that bad!

Report from pain Dr: “Surgery failed. Can’t get leads placed properly (stenosis and scoliosis and scar tissue!). Go back to spine surgeon to trim area for leads.”

BUT… Neurosurgeon already said, “NO MORE!”

Woke terribly slowly from anesthesia (as have in past 3 surgeries!). Arms were numb for hours!!!! Mind awake; body rebelled! Finally left surgical center at 1800 (surgery scheduled for 1315 didn’t start till 1436 according to clock on OR wall!) 37 min surgery; 3 hrs in recovery! Hate the way surgical centers send you home before you’re really awake and safe! Awake and fine by time got home: ate leftover Mexican food from last nite, but way too salty! (couldn’t eat last night: hurt too much! But had time w/Army girl in town for training!), drank hot chocolate and hot Alwazah tea w/mint. Sugar way high! 3 days w/o cinnamon cuz of surgery.

Pain this evening minimal. Maybe anesthesia abating somewhat.

RFA: Radio frequency ablation: heat to pulverize scar tissue and cauterize nerves. I asked my pain Dr about that last week, and he advised it’d have to be redone almost every 6 months to be effective, so SCS best option. At this point, LET’S TRY RFA!!!! Calling tmor to ask.

For those of you worried about my mental health (Remember, I taught junior high for years, so that’s questionable anyway!!!!), although I’m frustrated and TIRED, I’m really not too terribly surprised! This is my body, after all, and it’s been rebelling for quite a while! I joke about rusty hacksaws and recip saws being the best solution, but they’re way too messy! Know several who have lost family members to suicide, and would NEVER CONSIDER DOING THAT TO MY FAMILY!!! (and that’s not being judgmental of those who chose that route: I know that, by that point, they are no longer themselves!) The trauma left behind is HORRIFIC! But I will admit that I’ve given them permission to “LET ME GO HOME!” if anything happens.

BOOKS:

Read Final Flight cover to cover to find mistakes. Replaced several overused verbs. Sent my SPOTLESS copy to my HS bestie/Salutatorian, a 3x published author, and to my college suitemate. Both very astute writers. Not even messing w/publisher’s editorial team! Once I get SPOTLESS copy back from both of them (I’m certain they’ll still find mistakes!), I’ll send it to publisher to print as is! Guess I oughta answer editor’s email from 2 weeks ago to tell him, that, huh?! (I’m so bad, I just copied and pasted this paragraph to him!)

Finally plugged in external disk drive (bought it five plus years ago after a techie friend saved them from antiquedom!) and inserted Living Again, the “diary” I would’ve written about my Jonathan if I’d been a diary writer. (And now I’m a blogger! See why I never diaried??!? Lol!)

Enjoying reading his story! Wrote as VERY MEDICAL Christian romance, but this couple barely meets till Ch 8, so no publishers would even consider! So much background on their medical kids to create the story behind the story/romance. One publisher even suggested I write for a medical journal! Lol!! Just a mom of a special needs kid telling his story!

What blew me away was the little girl I wrote about. She’s real: I met this precocious princess w/craniofacial microsomia at our Craniofacial Christmas party 30 years ago (about when I wrote Living Again!). But craniofacial microsomia is OUR JOY’S DIAGNOSIS due to Fetal Alcohol Syndrome!!! Twenty (20) yrs later, we see and choose to adopt a Vietnamese girl whose diagnosis we didn’t know, just because we saw her in a Show Hope ad and KNEW SHE WAS OUR DAUGHTER!! Bawling realizing God’s sense of humor and timing!

So now I have another dilemma: Pirated Plot, Trust and Forgive, & Living Again all need to be published! Guess I’ll explore Amazon publishing, since others are too expensive. Don’t want to spend kids’ inheritance publishing books that may or may not ever really sell. Knowing the market now, Final Flight is most likely to “make it,” then Trust and Forgive. Wrote Saving Beach Mansion as a tribute to my hometown and parents/grandparents, but probly limited audience outside Texas Gulf Coast. Who knows? Lots EMS, so maybe ……?

Can’t go HOME till books done. Not interested in writing any more: enjoy writing, and they just “happen” as I start writing (pantser, no planning!), but getting them published is a PAIN IN THE REAR (And I, of all people, KNOW what a PAIN IN THE REAR really is!!! Lol!)

So now you know “THE REST OF THE STORY,” but not really, cuz it’s an ongoing saga of drama!! Hoping for more answers soon on all fronts. Will blog again when I have something significant to share.

Oh, and family Thanksgiving was VERY DIFFERENT w/Mama gone HOME. Olive Garden w/everyone (so GLAD THEY ALL CAME!!!! Including a nephew we haven’t seen in 2 yrs!) (Food was mediocre: we’re SPOILED ON VILLA DIANNA! Service was good!) Ok, everyone but our Army girl, who’s here this week for training, so we’re having another family dinner w/her this week. San Antonio family won’t be able to make it. Sad.

Remember that JESUS IS THE ENTIRE REASON FOR THE SEASON OF CHRISTMAS! REMEMBER AND HONOR HIM ABOVE ALL ELSE!

Hurry up and wait!

Books:

Got the “clean” copy of Final Flight back, w/all the alleged corrections. NOT SO MUCH!! Not only were several things not corrected as instructed, in reading cover to cover to make sure it’s PERFECT, I’m finding things we corrected months ago that are now back to incorrect!!! How does that happen?!??! I’m taking my time, making a SPOTLESS copy of my own after reading thru, making notes and creating a fresh copy w/all those corrections. Sometimes I wonder how Ace Publishing stays in business!! Their editors are certainly not very professional!

Health: The oncologist consult was interesting. He was just gathering info (I’m discovering that most Drs don’t study my records before I come, then ask me what’s going on and “Why are you here?” Seriously????) Lucky for him, I have notes on my phone and an MRI picture of the LUMP in my butt that is the issue! I handed him the picture and said, “This is why I’m here! There’s a fibroid mass at the base of my tailbone. Mayo did the biopsy and said just fibroid, NOT CANCER. It pushes against the damaged nerves from the first surgery (Sept ’23) and HURTS! I’m hoping you can pulverize it with radiation or whatever.”

He advised me that radiation won’t work cuz it’s not cancer. How do you know? Have you ever tried it on fibroid?! He said it might do more damage (as if that’s possible at this point!!). He also lamented that insurance probably wouldn’t cover it cuz it’s not cancer! (Didn’t I say “I almost wish it was cancer so SOMEBODY WOULD DO SOMETHING!!!” ?)

His analysis: “This is basically a fishing expedition.” (Yes, those were his exact words! At least he’s honest!) He’s ordered a new MRI (Last one in April day before surgery) to see if the mass is growing, then will determine a possible course of action. MRI Nov 13th; oncologist 20th.

Postponed SCS that was scheduled for Nov 3rd to Dec 1st. By then, we’ll know if oncologist will tackle this or if I’m relegated to covering up the symptoms rather than SOLVING THE PROBLEM!! (Can you tell I’m a math mom?!)

Water therapy/exercises continue to help a little. Feels great to be in the warm water and be able to walk, tho it’s hurt the last 2 times (never has hurt before!), and is getting harder to do some of the exercises cuz legs have quit functioning properly.

I spend almost 18 hrs/day in my recliner cuz it HURTS TO SIT! Got a new bedsore pillow that’s helping a lot! For those who think I sleep alot, I don’t! I get snatches of sleep between 45 min and 3 hrs before an NPA wakes me. Some so much so that I’m up for a few hours reading; others just enough that the cats on my lap shift and we all go back to sleep. My comfort kitties help me a LOT! My actual sleep hours are usually between 4am and 1pm! Yep, my body clock is SKEWED!

Not much else to report. Our retired Sheriff, a friend, had heart valve surgery a few days ago. Doing WELL! As I sent out prayer requests to various folks, I was AMAZED at the number of FAITHFUL PRAYER WARRIORS I have access to! Different connections: schools, church, homeschool, politics (mostly very godly folks we’ve worked w/over the years!). Grateful for all those we can count on to cover us in prayer!

In case I don’t blog again before Thanksgiving, HAPPY THANKSGIVING! THANK YOU, LORD, FOR ALL THE WONDERFUL BLESSINGS YOU GRANT US, MOST OF WHICH WE TAKE FOR GRANTED! Enjoy the chaos of family gatherings! Mend relationships! Life is too short to let slights and offenses dictate your love for each other! Forgive quickly! Apologize even if it’s not your fault. (I’ve actually done this w/2 different doctors, and the change in their demeanor and communication was remarkable!)

LOVE AS JESUS DID!!! You don’t have to agree with someone to love them! (I don’t even agree w/myself most of the time!) And remember that He never left them wallowing in their sin! His admonishment was always, “Go and sin no more!” That’s a good WORD for all of us! None of us is perfect! Don’t expect it of others, but help them improve AFTER YOU LOOK IN THE MIRROR!

end of preaching!

THE LORD BLESS YOU AND KEEP YOU! THE LORD MAKE HIS FACE SHINE BRIGHTLY ON YOU AND BE GRACIOUS TO YOU! THE LORD SMILE BIG ON YOU AND GRANT YOU FAVOR AND SHALOM PEACE, AND REMIND YOU HOW MUCH HE LOVES YOU! (Numbers 6:24-26, wal version)

Spinal Cord Stimulator Update:

I just went back thru and read some previous posts and realize I never updated after my temporary SCS last month. It kinda worked. Since my nerve pain attacks are random and unpredictable, it’s hard to say how well it worked. I am scheduled for permanent SCS on Nov 3rd, depending on what Texas Oncology decides/plans. I’d rather postpone/cancel SCS if we can eliminate the lump, since the SCS only masks the symptoms by tricking the nerves into not sending the pain messages.

Legs/feet now completely NUMB and uncooperative! Can’t stand. Started back to water therapy, where I do multiple exercises to strengthen legs/back/arms. The water is doing most of the work holding me up! It’s SCARY how much mobility I’ve lost!

If you’re in the FW area and need PT, GREEN OAKS PT ON MAGNOLIA IS THE BEST!!! They are kind, compassionate, professional, caring, efficient, and work very well as a team! And they have the warm water pool!! They SPOIL ME ROTTEN! (Probly helps that I bring cookies and brownies occasionally)

The lift to get me into the van is very helpful, tho a pain in the rear (literally!) to use and takes several minutes to get me into van. Dropping into wheelchair from van usually works, unless my bathing suit shorts get caught on the post and I’m TRAPPED. Legs won’t go where I tell them, so they can’t help me push off/up. Between the FRUSTRATION and PAIN, I whine a lot now! Like I told a friend, “I’ve become a simpering whiny coward!” Poor Joy and Larry!

Next step?

Books: Saving Beach Mansion is “in production”!!! WOOHOO!

Final Flight is in “final, final, final edit”! Lol! It took me 3 days to WRITE this book, but almost a year to correct the corrections this publisher did to “help me.” They tried to sanitize my medical and military jargon, dialogue and phrasing! Not their forte, so LEAVE IT ALONE! (No foul language or gore, in case you’re wondering.) They even tried to “fix” the dialogue of the special needs girl in the book! GRRRR! She’s special needs: THAT’S HOW SHE TALKS! I told them that dialogue is the author’s way of character building and to LEAVE IT ALONE!!!

Waiting impatiently for the final draft.

Health:

The real reason I blogged this evening was to update on the medical mess. After multiple calls to multiple specialists (radiology interventionists & fibroid specialist, nephrologist), I learned once again that most are “practicing medicine,” and NOT VERY WELL!! The radiology interventionists said, “We don’t do that kind of thing” when I asked about laser or ultrasound pulverization of fibroid cyst. Called my hubby’s nephrologist: nope. Fibroid institute in Dallas told me you can only get fibroid cysts in your uterus. TELL THAT TO MY BODY AND THE MAYO CLINIC THAT ANALYZED THE BIOPSY & THE MRI THAT SAYS OTHERWISE! They texted back a few days later and demanded I see a GYN before they’d see me! WOW! The mass is at the base of my spine/tailbone! Nowhere near any GYN organs! Not wasting my time on that. Whatever GYN issues I may or may not have are irrelevant at this point!

Finally called Texas Oncology, since all of the various specialists said, “Call an oncologist,” despite the fact that IT’S NOT CANCER!!! (Almost wish it was cancer so SOMEBODY WOULD DO SOMETHING!!) They requested records from my neurosurgeon. That’s serious PROGRESS!! When I called the neurosurgeon’s office to ask them to fax those over, she asked if I had an appt w/them yet. I advised her that they couldn’t talk to me till they got the records. Her response made me laugh! “OH FOR THE LOVE OF JESUS!! I’ll fax them right now!” She did.

In the meantime, the nerve pain attacks have escalated again! My butt HURTS ALL THE TIME NOW! (I wonder if that mass is growing!) A few nights later, having heard nothing, I was in the midst of a BADDDD NPA and did my usual whisper scream,”JESUS, HELP ME!!!!” I’d prayed for favor with Texas Oncology for days. (It’s NOT their forte, so getting in is the big deal!)

You know how sometimes you hear things in your head that you wonder if they’re your own craziness or wishful thinking? Well, I heard, “Tomorrow morning, Texas Oncology will call to make an appointment.”

“Lord, was that you, or am I just wishing!”

“My sheep hear MY VOICE and the voice of a stranger they will not listen to.”

I CRIED!!!

If you know me, you know I seldom SHUT UP long enough for God to speak! Being DEAF has changed that. I write notes on my phone rather than talk, since I get REALLY LOUD w/o knowing it. Mikaylah taught me a cool trick I should have known, as a science teacher: put your fingers on your throat when you speak and you can tell if you’re talking or shouting. That worked before I went completely deaf. Now, not so much!

The next morning, at 11:47am, Texas Oncology called to set up an appt w/ a radiation specialist! (Those of you who know me know that I DON’T DO MORNINGS, so that was GOOD TIMING!)

WED, 29TH, 2PM!!

For those of you concerned about the concept of radiation, let me tell you a story:

When Mom had breast cancer for the 4th time back in ’77, after 2 radical mastectomies and another tumor, she opted for radiation at Wilford Hall in San Antonio (retired Navy, remember). She took the motor home to stay the 6 weeks. Since radiation was a new technology, dosages were iffy. She received MASSIVE dosages. Radiation didn’t make her sick, or lose her hair, or …. She had localized burns where they triangulated the beam, and was TIRED, but the RADIATION WORKED, AND SHE LIVED A HEALTHY, CANCER FREE LIFE FOR 33 MORE YEARS!!! Radiation is my treatment of choice!

SO PLEASE PRAY THAT TEXAS ONCOLOGY WILL TAKE ON THIS FIBROID MASS AND PULVERIZE, OBLITERATE, ANNIHILATE IT WITH RADIATION! I pray the curse of the fig tree (Mk 11) on that lump daily. Withered from roots! Join me! (BTW: I pray that over everyone w/cancer, too.)

Not much else significant going on. I’ll probly post again Wed nite or Thurs after Texas Oncology appt.