Tag: writing

Now what?!?!?

I waited to post till I had some GOOD NEWS! That was several weeks ago, and today marked the bifurcation (had to look up the proper spelling for that!) of a long, bumpy road!

MRI: I’ve NEVER hurt so badly!!! The angle they had my hips was EXCRUCIATING! Not their fault: wedge to alleviate pain from scoliosis/lying on back was too high this time (used it several times before w/no issues!) and knees trapped against top of tube. (If you’ve never had an MRI, the tube is SMALL, and your nose is literally an inch from it!!! Good thing I usually sleep thru it! Not claustrophobic, but WOW!!!) Cried, prayed and sang to myself (not aloud) the whole time. Once again, Julie Andrews/Rogers & Hammerstein “My Favorite Things” played in my head. Did I tell you I wrote her an encouraging thank you note after one MRI that her song played in my head? She sent back an autographed pic! To ME!!! Hangs on my wall by other important pix!

Oncologist: Nothing they can do to help me: MRI report: just fibrous (not fibroid, as I was led to believe and wasted time on phone w/2 diff fibroid expert clinics!) scar tissue. Radiation not an option, and could make it worse. (Don’t ask how?!?!)

He called my neurosurgeon, who agreed that further surgery was not a viable, helpful solution. Referring back to pain Dr for SCS.

Today: SCS surgery: Once again, the light at the end of the tunnel was AN ONCOMING TRAIN!!!!!!

Neurological issues dramatically escalating in past few weeks. More NPA’s; tremors; vision issues; no sleep cuz awoken by NPA’s every 45 min! Can’t sit for more than an hour w/o retiring to my recliner in PAIN!

IV was quick and EZ! Amy was AWESOME!!! That’s usually the hardest part!!

Anesthesia in arm/IV was HORRIFIC BURNING!!!! SCREAMING “STOP IT!” so they gassed me, too. Grateful for that mercy! Never been that bad before! Even “volcanic eruption in arm” of cardiac nuclear chemicals not that bad!

Report from pain Dr: “Surgery failed. Can’t get leads placed properly (stenosis and scoliosis and scar tissue!). Go back to spine surgeon to trim area for leads.”

BUT… Neurosurgeon already said, “NO MORE!”

Woke terribly slowly from anesthesia (as have in past 3 surgeries!). Arms were numb for hours!!!! Mind awake; body rebelled! Finally left surgical center at 1800 (surgery scheduled for 1315 didn’t start till 1436 according to clock on OR wall!) 37 min surgery; 3 hrs in recovery! Hate the way surgical centers send you home before you’re really awake and safe! Awake and fine by time got home: ate leftover Mexican food from last nite, but way too salty! (couldn’t eat last night: hurt too much! But had time w/Army girl in town for training!), drank hot chocolate and hot Alwazah tea w/mint. Sugar way high! 3 days w/o cinnamon cuz of surgery.

Pain this evening minimal. Maybe anesthesia abating somewhat.

RFA: Radio frequency ablation: heat to pulverize scar tissue and cauterize nerves. I asked my pain Dr about that last week, and he advised it’d have to be redone almost every 6 months to be effective, so SCS best option. At this point, LET’S TRY RFA!!!! Calling tmor to ask.

For those of you worried about my mental health (Remember, I taught junior high for years, so that’s questionable anyway!!!!), although I’m frustrated and TIRED, I’m really not too terribly surprised! This is my body, after all, and it’s been rebelling for quite a while! I joke about rusty hacksaws and recip saws being the best solution, but they’re way too messy! Know several who have lost family members to suicide, and would NEVER CONSIDER DOING THAT TO MY FAMILY!!! (and that’s not being judgmental of those who chose that route: I know that, by that point, they are no longer themselves!) The trauma left behind is HORRIFIC! But I will admit that I’ve given them permission to “LET ME GO HOME!” if anything happens.

BOOKS:

Read Final Flight cover to cover to find mistakes. Replaced several overused verbs. Sent my SPOTLESS copy to my HS bestie/Salutatorian, a 3x published author, and to my college suitemate. Both very astute writers. Not even messing w/publisher’s editorial team! Once I get SPOTLESS copy back from both of them (I’m certain they’ll still find mistakes!), I’ll send it to publisher to print as is! Guess I oughta answer editor’s email from 2 weeks ago to tell him, that, huh?! (I’m so bad, I just copied and pasted this paragraph to him!)

Finally plugged in external disk drive (bought it five plus years ago after a techie friend saved them from antiquedom!) and inserted Living Again, the “diary” I would’ve written about my Jonathan if I’d been a diary writer. (And now I’m a blogger! See why I never diaried??!? Lol!)

Enjoying reading his story! Wrote as VERY MEDICAL Christian romance, but this couple barely meets till Ch 8, so no publishers would even consider! So much background on their medical kids to create the story behind the story/romance. One publisher even suggested I write for a medical journal! Lol!! Just a mom of a special needs kid telling his story!

What blew me away was the little girl I wrote about. She’s real: I met this precocious princess w/craniofacial microsomia at our Craniofacial Christmas party 30 years ago (about when I wrote Living Again!). But craniofacial microsomia is OUR JOY’S DIAGNOSIS due to Fetal Alcohol Syndrome!!! Twenty (20) yrs later, we see and choose to adopt a Vietnamese girl whose diagnosis we didn’t know, just because we saw her in a Show Hope ad and KNEW SHE WAS OUR DAUGHTER!! Bawling realizing God’s sense of humor and timing!

So now I have another dilemma: Pirated Plot, Trust and Forgive, & Living Again all need to be published! Guess I’ll explore Amazon publishing, since others are too expensive. Don’t want to spend kids’ inheritance publishing books that may or may not ever really sell. Knowing the market now, Final Flight is most likely to “make it,” then Trust and Forgive. Wrote Saving Beach Mansion as a tribute to my hometown and parents/grandparents, but probly limited audience outside Texas Gulf Coast. Who knows? Lots EMS, so maybe ……?

Can’t go HOME till books done. Not interested in writing any more: enjoy writing, and they just “happen” as I start writing (pantser, no planning!), but getting them published is a PAIN IN THE REAR (And I, of all people, KNOW what a PAIN IN THE REAR really is!!! Lol!)

So now you know “THE REST OF THE STORY,” but not really, cuz it’s an ongoing saga of drama!! Hoping for more answers soon on all fronts. Will blog again when I have something significant to share.

Oh, and family Thanksgiving was VERY DIFFERENT w/Mama gone HOME. Olive Garden w/everyone (so GLAD THEY ALL CAME!!!! Including a nephew we haven’t seen in 2 yrs!) (Food was mediocre: we’re SPOILED ON VILLA DIANNA! Service was good!) Ok, everyone but our Army girl, who’s here this week for training, so we’re having another family dinner w/her this week. San Antonio family won’t be able to make it. Sad.

Remember that JESUS IS THE ENTIRE REASON FOR THE SEASON OF CHRISTMAS! REMEMBER AND HONOR HIM ABOVE ALL ELSE!

Hurry up and wait!

Books:

Got the “clean” copy of Final Flight back, w/all the alleged corrections. NOT SO MUCH!! Not only were several things not corrected as instructed, in reading cover to cover to make sure it’s PERFECT, I’m finding things we corrected months ago that are now back to incorrect!!! How does that happen?!??! I’m taking my time, making a SPOTLESS copy of my own after reading thru, making notes and creating a fresh copy w/all those corrections. Sometimes I wonder how Ace Publishing stays in business!! Their editors are certainly not very professional!

Health: The oncologist consult was interesting. He was just gathering info (I’m discovering that most Drs don’t study my records before I come, then ask me what’s going on and “Why are you here?” Seriously????) Lucky for him, I have notes on my phone and an MRI picture of the LUMP in my butt that is the issue! I handed him the picture and said, “This is why I’m here! There’s a fibroid mass at the base of my tailbone. Mayo did the biopsy and said just fibroid, NOT CANCER. It pushes against the damaged nerves from the first surgery (Sept ’23) and HURTS! I’m hoping you can pulverize it with radiation or whatever.”

He advised me that radiation won’t work cuz it’s not cancer. How do you know? Have you ever tried it on fibroid?! He said it might do more damage (as if that’s possible at this point!!). He also lamented that insurance probably wouldn’t cover it cuz it’s not cancer! (Didn’t I say “I almost wish it was cancer so SOMEBODY WOULD DO SOMETHING!!!” ?)

His analysis: “This is basically a fishing expedition.” (Yes, those were his exact words! At least he’s honest!) He’s ordered a new MRI (Last one in April day before surgery) to see if the mass is growing, then will determine a possible course of action. MRI Nov 13th; oncologist 20th.

Postponed SCS that was scheduled for Nov 3rd to Dec 1st. By then, we’ll know if oncologist will tackle this or if I’m relegated to covering up the symptoms rather than SOLVING THE PROBLEM!! (Can you tell I’m a math mom?!)

Water therapy/exercises continue to help a little. Feels great to be in the warm water and be able to walk, tho it’s hurt the last 2 times (never has hurt before!), and is getting harder to do some of the exercises cuz legs have quit functioning properly.

I spend almost 18 hrs/day in my recliner cuz it HURTS TO SIT! Got a new bedsore pillow that’s helping a lot! For those who think I sleep alot, I don’t! I get snatches of sleep between 45 min and 3 hrs before an NPA wakes me. Some so much so that I’m up for a few hours reading; others just enough that the cats on my lap shift and we all go back to sleep. My comfort kitties help me a LOT! My actual sleep hours are usually between 4am and 1pm! Yep, my body clock is SKEWED!

Not much else to report. Our retired Sheriff, a friend, had heart valve surgery a few days ago. Doing WELL! As I sent out prayer requests to various folks, I was AMAZED at the number of FAITHFUL PRAYER WARRIORS I have access to! Different connections: schools, church, homeschool, politics (mostly very godly folks we’ve worked w/over the years!). Grateful for all those we can count on to cover us in prayer!

In case I don’t blog again before Thanksgiving, HAPPY THANKSGIVING! THANK YOU, LORD, FOR ALL THE WONDERFUL BLESSINGS YOU GRANT US, MOST OF WHICH WE TAKE FOR GRANTED! Enjoy the chaos of family gatherings! Mend relationships! Life is too short to let slights and offenses dictate your love for each other! Forgive quickly! Apologize even if it’s not your fault. (I’ve actually done this w/2 different doctors, and the change in their demeanor and communication was remarkable!)

LOVE AS JESUS DID!!! You don’t have to agree with someone to love them! (I don’t even agree w/myself most of the time!) And remember that He never left them wallowing in their sin! His admonishment was always, “Go and sin no more!” That’s a good WORD for all of us! None of us is perfect! Don’t expect it of others, but help them improve AFTER YOU LOOK IN THE MIRROR!

end of preaching!

THE LORD BLESS YOU AND KEEP YOU! THE LORD MAKE HIS FACE SHINE BRIGHTLY ON YOU AND BE GRACIOUS TO YOU! THE LORD SMILE BIG ON YOU AND GRANT YOU FAVOR AND SHALOM PEACE, AND REMIND YOU HOW MUCH HE LOVES YOU! (Numbers 6:24-26, wal version)

PROGRESS!!!

Books: I just finished editing the final final edit on Saving Beach Mansion and Final Flight! Sent them off! Of course, waiting for final final FINAL edit of Final Flight.

BUT THEY’RE DONE!!!!

Honestly, with the crazy that’s been going on in our lives lately, this is a big win! It was more work than I anticipated, and one publisher was MUCH BETTER than the other: cover of Saving Beach Mansion was SPOT ON the first time!!! So excited!!! They told me to go thru and edit one last time (not paying for editing, I guess, and I’m ok w/that cuz that was the biggest headache of dealing w/the other publisher.) I did and sent it. After 30 years of trusted editor friends scouring it, any mistakes are TOTALLY MINE!! And at this point, I’m happy to own them!

Health:

Been home from rehab almost 2 weeks. Could barely stand when I left, despite the fact that I could stand and walk 60′ the week before! Nerve damage!! Totally unpredictable!! Cannot stand or walk now. Learning how to swivel butt to get from one place to another. Some interesting tools :

pine board to slide from one seat to another: very helpful getting into van, UNLESS THE STUPID BOARD SLIPS OUT FROM UNDER ME AND I’M UNABLE TO PULL MYSELF INTO VAN THE REST OF THE WAY! Still wearing my gate belt, so someone grabs me and helps lift me in. NOT SAFE FOR ANYONE IN MY FAMILY!!!! Ordered a “patient lift transfer chair” to alleviate that issue. Arriving Friday. Until then, I’m pretty much a prisoner in my own home.

Reacher tool and hook stick that help me pick things up and get dressed. Wasn’t supposed to bend for few weeks after spine surgery, even tho it wasn’t real spine surgery.

Looooong handled back brush scrunge on back for shower. Who says that’s a handicap thing!! Wish I’d had one years ago!

IMPORTANT PROGRESS:

Got a 36″ door installed today for my bathroom, so I can actually be “normal” (very relative term in my life!) rather than sitting on potty chair in bedroom! So much more freedom, although cat loses his jumping off place to get into top closet shelf cuz dresser had to move and won’t fit by closet any more.

I was relegated to taking showers on the driveway in my bathing suit (obviously partial shower so as not to be arrested for public indecency! Lol!). Glad it’s summer and the sun heats the water in the garden hose! Now I can actually get into my shower and enjoy a REAL SHOWER!!! With hand-held shower that makes it easier. (Not an incomplete sentence: “that” is subject! Can’t believe I just wrote that!) Several other helper tools for shower.

Ordered the Sketcher slip ins PT/OT recommended. Worked great for first week, them both feet DRAMATICALLY SWELLED one night and nothing fits! Ordered the next size larger: nope! Relegated to fuzzy sox when I got out (restaurants: no shirt, no shoes, no service still applies). Nobody seems to care: get out of the way of the crazy lady in the wheelchair seems to be the order of the day!

Potty chair that doubles as a shower chair w/transfer “seat” to make sliding in easier. Had noooo intentions of using as a potty chair! God has a sense of humor! Been using potty chair since I got home cuz I couldn’t get into bathroom! Now I can, and have actually accessed and used the toilet! Woohoo!

(If you’ve never been handicapped, these little victories are MAJOR SUCCESSES!)

Finally got a SHOWER tonite! Not as glorious as I anticipated: moved shower chair too far forward, so couldn’t get rebellious feet/legs into tub. Finally called Larry to help. Long handled sponge great! Two-headed shower w/hand held is GREAT, until the suction head holder starts spinning randomly, spraying everything! Leg was up against the tub cut-out, which isn’t really sharp, but was hitting the same spot on my leg that gets cut by the leg supports on the wheelchair. (Literally, one nite, I looked down and my leg was bleeding! No reason we could determine till nurse saw how I transferred and saw the problem. My AWESOME OT DANIELLE wrapped that wheelchair (the hospital’s) w/ washcloth to protect my leg. Gotta put a wrap of some sort on this wheelchair!

TMI: There’s a wound on my butt cheek that comes and goes and has for over a year. It’s back, bigger, open, looks infected! Hurts to sit or lie a certain way, and REALLY HURTS is scraped across anything while moving!! Going to Dr tmor and getting some sort of test run to find out what IT is and why it keeps coming back! Already on anti-fungal and bacterial antibiotics for UTI. What more could I possibly need?!! I know: This is different and requires a different antibiotic! GOOD GRIEF!! And don’t say “MRSA”!!! I rebuke that in Jesus’ Name!

Family news

We had Grandma Loveless’ Celebration of Life yesterday with family from all over the country coming to honor her 97 year life SERVING THE LORD AND BEING A PRAYER WARRIOR! Some of those we have not seen in almost 40 years! (the kids of 2nd cousins, whom I remember helping put their handprints in Mama’s porch slab when they were 3 and 4!!) Had a great time visiting, eating (BBQ of course! This is Texas!), sharing memories, singing hymns, and reading Ps 23 together. Then we scattered some of her ashes at a local lake (not saying which, in case there’s legalities we didn’t know about!). Our 2nd cousin (maybe 3rd), Ken Medema, is a fabulous pianist! Check out his Facebook page and hear him sing and play! He sang and recorded “How Great Thou Art” for us! WOW!

Army girl home for that! She stays so busy, we hardly see her!

In the process of this whole mess, we had a bug inspection cuz Joy tested positive for mosquitoes (DUH!), fire ants (Double DUH!) and dust mites (what?!?). Had to get everything out of her room deep clean, carpet cleaned, wash all clothes in HOT water before returning to the room!(still working on that!)

I realized she was sleeping in a 9-year-old Joy’s bed! Princess Sophie. We were already going to rearrange her furniture to give her more room, so I asked if she wanted to change some things. She found a bed she wanted that was under $300, (the metal bunk over full was Mikaylah’s back when she was 8?), How to Train Your Dragon linens, curtains and decor, and is now a HAPPY CAMPER (tho not all decor has arrived yet). Jonathan did the rearrange & almost LOST IT cuz the bed had 100 pieces!!!! Took him 2 hours to put together, while the bunk bed took 4 minutes to put together in the yard to take pix to sell! Sold in few hours. Money into Joy’s Vietnam trip savings. Win Win!

I’m sad that I can’t get into her room to see everything! Will get her to do a walk around video when it’s all done. Over half of her stuff is still in the garage in tubs and bags! We’ve sorted enough to give away 5 bags of clothes and linens to homeless and 6 bags of stuff to Harvest House.

Totally different news: Got a call tonite from a number and name I didn’t recognize, but he’s called several times, so I picked up. Turns out “K Dan”, is my “big brother” during college, that I’ve been trying to connect with for years!! If I’d’ve heard his voice, I would’ve known immediately who it was! (Have I said, “I HATE BEING DEAF!!!!” enough?) We had a good talk, and as soon as traveling is safe, we’re headed their way (Canton area) to do dinner!

My “patient lift transfer chair” arrived today! Mikaylah put it together. We tried it out: first on her, then on me. Didn’t work for back seat, but worked WELL for front seat! Will take some practice to get good at it, but the take apart, put together only takes a few minutes. It’s GREAT for nice weather, but wouldn’t go anywhere in the rain or extreme cold. (but then, I’m a weanie when it’s COLD!)

So I am NO LONGER A PRISONER IN MY OWN HOME!!!

Now if I could just find a decent, dependable wheelchair cup holder! I think I’ve tried at least 8 different ones! One lasted a few months! One was so flimsy, it lasted about 4 minutes! Most last a few days and don’t stay put, thus spilling drinks everywhere! One is so rigid, it actually CUT ME!!! One is soft nylon, which is a great idea, but only holds water bottle (not big cups) and too floppy, so cup that does fit spills! Most of the screw on claws break easily or don’t stay snug. THIS IS NOT ROCKET SCIENCE, FOLKS!!!! Somebody please make a wheelchair cup holder that actually HOLDS A LARGE CUP W/O SPILLING!! And for those of you unfamiliar w/the structure of wheelchairs, the sideboards (don’t ask me what they’re for!) leave only about an inch for anything to fasten, and it’s helpful if they swing out of the way going thru doors or when you get up.

Ok, I think I’ve rambled enough! Time to publish. Next blog: who knows when! Need something else momentus to write about!

Wait! Did I say I actually STOOD today?!?!?! 4 times at 15 seconds each! First time since I left the hospital! Gonna WALK tmor! Back to PT/water therapy Friday.

Final Flight and Misty Mansion

My calendar said “Blog!” last week, but I didn’t have anything to write about. Now I do!

Final Flight has been final edited and sent! Woohoo! It’s funny how publishers edit things: dialogue is how people talk: don’t mess with it!!!! But they did and it took hours to restore!

Misty Mansion, which I’m retitling Saving Beach Mansion, is in the process with a different publisher. I’m having trouble coming up w/ 7 keywords, tho! I use Hoopla (from our local library) to download books to read, and used its search engine to test various keywords. Very frustrating! “Adventure” only lists Harry Potter (yuck!) and kids books! Really?!?! Not sure “Christian” is necessary, since the genre is already Christian fiction. It’s not a suspense like Final Flight and Trust and Forgive (another one waiting to be published: child kidnapping that features our local law enforcement folks). It’s about a historic mansion, but “historic” doesn’t bring anything exciting. “Coast”: maybe.

Comment if you have any suggestions!

Medical update:

Nerve conduction test showed that I’m NOT CRAZY!!! If I walk more than about 100′ (w/walker, of course!), my legs go completely numb, like they’re not even attached to my body! My feet are so numb that I literally have to say, “Pick up your feet!” with each step, or they drag and I fall! I’ve been using G’pa Potts’ song from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, POSH. I thought he said, “Head up! Shoulders Back!” and that helps a lot. But then I looked up the words: “Port out; starboard home, POSH”. How on earth did I get “Head up; shoulders back”?!?!?! But it helps!! Thanks Disney, Lionel Jeffries (G’pa Potts), Sherman & Sherman (who wrote it) and of course, the ever beloved Dick Van Dyke!

Haven’t had follow-up appt w/neurologist to see if he has any ideas for a solution. He gave me a new nerve pain med, but it’s no more effective than all the others I’ve tried, nor the various vitamins that supposedly work, nor the scam meds online!

More debilitating lately is the ROAR OF THE TRANSFORMER in my head, as well as the bassoon playing various ditties, and the crickets chirping! The high-pitched whistle which has been there since I was a child, that my brain used to turn off, won’t turn off anymore! Supposedly all these Tinnitus symptoms are a precurser to brain damage, dementia and Alzheimer’s, but my mind is working pretty well. My limited stamina affects my focus, and sitting for more than a few hours HURTS!

So this control freak math teacher political activist mom is now OUT OF CONTROL, very dependent on others! It’s amazing what you can’t do when you’re deaf and in a wheelchair! Dumb little tasks that used to take 5 minutes now require me to call my wonderful, handy, patient adult son to come take care of for us. (Larry can’t do lots of those either due to balance and knee issues, and explaining to Joy how to do some things would be hilarious!) The technology that supposedly helps me doesn’t much, since it, like my ears, is pitch sensitive and hates male voices! So the microphone I attach to my iPhone so I can read what people are saying is minimally helpful.

BUT GOD!

The other night when I was complaining to Him about all this mess, He reminded me that I needed to change my focus from what’s bothering me to what I’m grateful for!

DUH!!!

I’m SOOOOO GRATEFUL for my family, who puts up with me, helps me, serves me, cooks for me, cleans for me, and doesnt’ complain that I sleep all day and am up all night. (Did I say that my body clock is completely skewed?! Yep! Tried for weeks to reset: unsuccessful!)

I’m grateful for pretty good, compassionate medical care when I need it. They may not have the answers, but they’re trying and being sweet.

I’m grateful for SUNSHINE!!! Looking forward to SPRING!! (I HATE COLD AND WINTER!)

I’m grateful for a Savior who loves me in spite of who and what I am and what I do!

I’m grateful that, in spite of all the dumb little things wrong w/my body, I’m still basically healthy! No cancer! Hallelujah! No major illnesses or injuries.

I’m grateful to the two publishers who are helping me get two of my five books published! We’ll see how that goes to decide what to do in the future with the others.

I’m grateful for GOOD FOOD! Steak! Fruit salad! Mexican food! Bacon and eggs! Ice cream! Chocolate! (of course!!) The chocolate dipped/covered goodies my granddaughter made for my birthday! YUMMY!

I’m grateful for my kitties, who sleep on my lap and keep me company and warm! They are truly my “emotional support animals”!

I’m grateful that my tropical plants (Sagos that are grandkids of those from our front yard in Rockport! Plumerias, hibiscus, bougainvillea, and various others) have not succumbed to my former black thumb!! They’re all doing well (ok, except for the bougainvillea that fried! “Direct sun: 4 hours/day” does NOT include Texas 110 degree sun for a week!!) They are such a quiet comfort as I sit on the driveway and read in the sunshine.

I’m grateful that, when we lost power the other day for 4.5 hours, it was no big deal because our home was already warm, I was under covers in my recliner (and slept thru it!), and Joy started a fire in the fireplace.

I’m grateful for the GREAT CLOUD OF WITNESSES who have gone before us after investing in my life! So many wonderful people have contributed to who I am. Glad we have eternity to spend together!

I could go on, but those are the major things that popped into my head. You don’t want to read all night! Thanks for joining me on this crazy journey!

The Lord bless you and keep you!

The Lord make His Face shine brightly on you and smile on you!

The Lord grant you SHALOM PEACE & remind you how much HE LOVES YOU!